Horrible Histories (TV Series)

Episode #1.5 (2009)

Simon Farnaby: Various

Quotes 

• Caligula : My loyal generals. You have all served me well. Thanks to your ceaseless warring and general nastiness, I Caligula now rule an empire of unimaginable scale.

  General #1 : Yes!

  [the generals high five each other] 

  Caligula : However... there is one valiant foe that we have yet to conquer.

  General #2 : Do you speak of the mighty tribes in the untamed lands of the East, My Liege?

  Caligula : No.

  General #1 : Mean you then, the savage Celts of the frozen wastes of the North?

  Caligula : Nah!

  General #2 : Well, then... who would you have us fight, Sire?

  Caligula : [Dramatically]  Poseidon.

  [the generals both laugh] 

  General #1 : Funny!

  [They stop laughing after noticing that Caligula's expression hasn't changed] 

  General #2 : You're serious?

  Caligula : Yes.

  General #2 : OK. But, Poseidon... is God of the Sea. He's likely to be quite... big.

  Caligula : [Aggressively]  Bigger than *me*?

  General #1 : Oh, no no no. No, big is the wrong word. What we meant was more, erm...

  General #2 : Goddish?

  Caligula : But that's the whole point. I mean, any old Emperor can defeat the Carthaginians, but it takes a special kind of Emperor to take on a God! Just think of the history books. "Ooh, do you remember that Caligula?" "Oh yes, wasn't he the one that took on that God?"

  [Titters insanely] 

  Caligula : No one's going to forget that in a hurry!