Parks and Recreation (TV Series)
Practice Date (2009)
Aziz Ansari: Tom Haverford
Photos
Quotes
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Jerry Gergich : Hey, Mark! Umm, a little birdie told me that you have one unpaid parking ticket.
Mark Brendanawicz : That's funny because a little birdie told *me* that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession.
Donna Meagle : [laughing] Oh, snap!
Jerry Gergich : What?
Mark Brendanawicz : You didn't know that, huh?
[long pause]
Jerry Gergich : I didn't know I was adopted...
[long pause]
Mark Brendanawicz : Oh no, oh Jerry. Oh, Jerry, I am so sorry.
Jerry Gergich : I really didn't wanna play.
[Jerry leaves]
Mark Brendanawicz : That was not my intention.
Tom Haverford : It's not your fault; he totally baited you with that unpaid parking ticket.
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Mark Brendanawicz : Why does anybody wanna run for public office? You're just asking to have your entire life exposed.
Tom Haverford : Well, if you're squeaky clean like I am, there's no problem.
Mark Brendanawicz : Tom, you're married and you hit on women constantly.
Tom Haverford : Yeah, but I've never sealed the deal. Just window shopping. You can fly to Brazil, just don't enter the cave, am I right?
[Tom raises his hand but nobody high-fives him]
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Tom Haverford : Hey, Donna, let me ask you something: Do you hate black people?
Donna Meagle : Excuse me?
Tom Haverford : 'Cause apparently, in 1988, you donated money to the presidential campaign for... David Duke!
April Ludgate : The KKK guy?
Donna Meagle : I got a phone call. They said he would lower taxes.