- Weekend Update Anchor: Look, obviously I'm invested in this because it affects me. If Jay can take his job back from Conan that means Conan can take it back from Jimmy and that means Jimmy might come here and I cannot go back to being in a sketch once every three weeks.
- Sigourney Weaver - Host: [Reading an insult on the internet] I'm taller than most women. I could really mess her up. I'm Sigourney freakin' WEAVER!
- Pete Twinkle: Hey, you know what another great idea is? Summers Eve: when your man's in a coma from your panty aroma. Summers Eve. Douche.