30 Rock (TV Series)

Let's Stay Together (2010)

Tina Fey: Liz Lemon

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jack Donaghy : What about Toofer?

  Liz Lemon : I don't know if you've heard, but he went to Harvard.

  Jack Donaghy : So we know he's smart and good at masturbation.

  Liz Lemon : Yeah!

  [They high-five] 

• Liz Lemon : [the writers put an insulting name on Liz's door]  These douche-b's have been doing this for weeks.

  Jack Donaghy : [reads]  "Lez Lemon."

  Liz Lemon : First thought.

  Jack Donaghy : [reads]  "Winona Ryder in a Hundred Years."

  Liz Lemon : Weak!

  Jack Donaghy : [reads]  "Fart Barfunkel."

  Liz Lemon : Indian food.

  Jack Donaghy : [reads]  "Paul Simon."

  Liz Lemon : I don't get that, but it hurts.

• Jack Donaghy : The only thing I will be discussing with the House Subcommittee on Baseball, Quiz Shows, Terrorism, and Media is vertical integration.

  Liz Lemon : What's vertical integration?

  Jack Donaghy : Imagine that your favorite corn chip manufacturer also owned the number one diarrhea medication.

  Liz Lemon : That'd be great, 'cause then they could put a little sample of the medicine in each bag.

  Jack Donaghy : Keep thinking.

  Liz Lemon : [beat]  Except then they might be tempted to make the corn chips give you...

  Jack Donaghy : Vertical integration.

• Jack Donaghy : In a post-apocalyptic society, what possible use would they have for you?

  Liz Lemon : Travelling bard.

  Jack Donaghy : Radiation canary.

• Jack Donaghy : I really resent the Congresswoman's accusations. I've long been an advocate for diversity. It's made this nation great. The Chinese built the railroads, the Irish built and then filled the jails...

  Liz Lemon : A guy named Juan built my armoire.

  Jack Donaghy : Diversity means new ideas and new markets. It is our best hope for true innovation.

  Liz Lemon : Did you tell all that to Congresswoman Bookman?

  Jack Donaghy : No, I was too busy trying to remember the name of the black kid on "Community".

  Liz Lemon : [mispronounces name]  Donell Glover.

• Pete Hornberger : Liz, quick question about the Johnny Appleseed sketch. Does it hurt it if we can't call him Johnny Appleseed?

  Liz Lemon : Yes! Why?

  Pete Hornberger : Well, Johnny Appleseed was a real guy and his descendants are very litigious.

  [Both roll eyes] 

  Pete Hornberger : So, here is a list of the names that legal says we can use: Jerry Bananaseed... and... nothing else.

  Liz Lemon : Great so what are my choices? Either I argue with legal or I spend all day writing something else. Does anyone care how hard I work - ?

  Pete Hornberger : [Interrupting]  Doh! We can't use Jerry Bananaseed, someone with that name killed a bunch of nurses in Portland.

  [Liz sighs]