- Ron Swanson: Can you turn the radio off? This is our song.
- Ben Wyatt: Your song is "Dancing on the Ceiling" by Lionel Richie?
- [Turns to Ron]
- Ben Wyatt: Oh! Wow, look at that. You shaved off part of your mustache. That's lovely.
- Ron Swanson: I didn't shave it off. It rubbed off. From friction.
- Chris Traeger: April, could you come in here a second?
- [April enters]
- Chris Traeger: April, way to come in! Great initiative!
- April Ludgate: You called me in.
- Chris Traeger: Listen, could you please call Ann Perkins and tell her that I will be unable to enjoy lunch with her today as I am just swamped all day?
- April Ludgate: Copy that.
- [Pretending to call Ann]
- April Ludgate: Hi Ann, this is April. I'm just calling to let you know Chris can't make lunch today. I knew you wouldn't care. Goodbye.
- Wendy Haverford: They're getting really old, and I'm an only child. I just feel like the right thing to do is to move back home.
- Ron Swanson: I'm sorry to see you go. I've really come to think of you as a companion.
- Wendy Haverford: Hey, I don't suppose you'd wanna move to Canada?
- Ron Swanson: [Spits out his coffee and laughs] Canada! No. I don't suppose I would.
- Ron Swanson: [Ron's girlfriend is moving away] I just taught her to whittle. She made me this tiny sharpened stick.
- Donna Meagle: I would like to address the goofy-looking, dirty-komodo wearing, corn-rowed clown in the room. If you see Ron Swanson, can you give him this message: You used to be a man! You need to get your house in order! Look, I love you like a brother, but right now I hate you! Like my actual brother, Levandrious, who I hate!
- Andy Dwyer: Ron Swanson has sent me over to deliver to you this document.
- Chris Traeger: [Chris reads the letter] "To whom it may concern: Dear Chris, there is an emergency regarding the Parks Department, and April may just be the only person who can help. I can't get into details because it's super-classified. Please release April back to us permanently. God bless America. Love, Bert Macklin, FBI."
- Andy Dwyer: [Feigns surprise] What?
- April Ludgate: Okay. Well, bye.
- Chris Traeger: April, listen. If you don't want to work for me, I'm not gonna force you. You didn't have to do this.
- Andy Dwyer: She didn't do that. That - that was... Dude, I think it sounds like it was Macklin's call.
- Ron Swanson: [Leslie and Ben are visiting Ron and Tammy in jail] Leslie! Congratulate us!
- Tammy Swanson: [Shows Leslie her ring] Ron's got one just like it on his penis.