Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Rock-A-Doodle (2009)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic, God, Max Detweiller, Herr Zeller

Quotes 

• Edmond : Jeepers! I'm all furry!

  [sounds like "I'm a furry!"] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Kid, you're a little too young to know what that means. I'm an adult, and I'm still not exactly sure what that means! Nor do I wish to find out.

• Nostalgia Critic : Director Don Bluth is by far considered one of the greatest animation GODS who ever lived... in the '80s, anyway. In the '90s, I think he must've left his brain at the Fubar Convention because he turned out some very strange and very mediocre material. The good stuff seemed to end with "All Dogs Go To Heaven" and the bad stuff seemed to begin with "Rock-A-Doodle". It's strange, it's nonsensical, it's sorta like a bedtime story if read by Andy Warhol.

• Edmond : Chanticleer! Chanticleer!

  Nostalgia Critic : That's Christmas, you moron! Santa Claus only comes at Christmas!

• Nostalgia Critic : [trying to make sense of the movie's plot hole]  You know, fuck it. I'm going to come up with my own theory. God got bored and wanted to fuck with the rooster, so he played yo-yo with the sun. There, now I'm happy.

• Nostalgia Critic : Oh, you know, good God! You can make a song about anything, can'tcha?

  [singing sarcastically] 

  Nostalgia Critic : I'm talking, I'm talking/I'm drinking my coffee/And then I'm going to SLEEEEEEEEEEP!

• Nostalgia Critic : Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic; I remember it so you don't have to. Stop me if this sounds totally ridiculous: a singing rooster dresses up like Elvis...

  Audience : STOP!

  [the Critic stops dead in his tracks, folding his hands together and looking rather pained] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Well, if you can't even make it that far, then you're going to have a real hard time sitting through one of Don Bluth's strangest creations - and that's saying a lot - "Rock-A-Doodle".

• Nostalgia Critic : Do they really have to sing everything? Just because it's a musical doesn't mean you have to sing. You can just quietly shut the fuck up. I don't prefer that.

• Nostalgia Critic : So, why's this movie's such a mother-clucking mess? Take a look and decide for yourself.

• Nostalgia Critic : So they search all throughout the city to find Chanticleer... which is also populated by animals... Well, now how does that make sense? I mean, did the parents, when they needed farming supplies, just drive to the city filled with cartoon animals?

  [talking like the farmer] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Well, thank you, Mr. Pig! This frying pan will really help us out when we're cooking up some bacoooooooooo-oooooon that note, how about them Bears? The team, not the people that own the hardware store down the street.

• Nostalgia Critic : Okay, no song that begins with the lyric "Tweedly-dee" is going to be good. GO BACK AND TRY AGAIN!

• Nostalgia Critic : The film begins in outer space as the narrator's voice comes in to *fatally* attempt to tell the story.

  Narrator : Once upon a time... the sun came up. Imagine for a moment, instead of rising up like this, she took a look around and decided to go back to sleep. Let me tell you all about it.

  Nostalgia Critic : [talking like the narrator]  And let me warn you, I've been drinking extensively.

• Nostalgia Critic : [about Edmond]  God, this kid makes Jake Lloyd look like Haley Joel Osment!

• Nostalgia Critic : [about the owls]  These are the gayest villains ever!

• Nostalgia Critic : So, as the movie begins, you kind of can't believe what you're watching. I mean, these look like cartoons from the thirties, where everything has a face, everyone seems to be bouncing and singing... What, did they make this movie for kids or something?

  [the Critic briefly ponders this before realizing he had asked a rhetorical question] 

  Nostalgia Critic : ... Still no excuse.

• Nostalgia Critic : [completely abhorred to learn that the Grand Duke is voiced by Christopher Plummer]  Oh, God, what some people will do for a paycheck! He couldn't have thought this was a good movie! Nobody could've! He MUST of been under contract or something! That's the only excuse. In fact, I can just imagine him trying to sneak out of this movie.

  [a clip from "The Sound of Music" plays: the Von Trapps trying to escape Austria] 

  Max Detweiller : [to Captain Von Trapp]  I hear they're going to announce the casting for the villain today.

  Captain Von Trapp : By the time they've made the announcement, we'll be over the border.

  Herr Zeller : Trouble with your car, Mr. Plummer?

  Captain Von Trapp : Yes, as a matter of fact, we couldn't get it started!

  Herr Zeller : Surely you've heard that the studio wants you to provide the voice for the owl in their latest family romp, "Rock-A-Doodle"?

  Captain Von Trapp : I'm... afraid that's going to be... quite... impossible.

  Herr Zeller : Now, Mr. Plummer... surely you don't think you can defend yourself against the awesome power of studio-funded lawyers? No man has ever survived their verbal slaughter. So, I take it you'll change your mind about the role?

  Captain Von Trapp : ...Yes.

  Herr Zeller : Excellent. My men will escort you to the recording studio.

  Captain Von Trapp : No escort will be necessary.

  Herr Zeller : I insist. We wouldn't want you getting lost on your way over... would we?

  Captain Von Trapp : ...No.

  Herr Zeller : Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to get Abe Vigoda for "Good Burger".