- Michael: [answering phone] The boring residence of Miss Mary Ann Singleton
- Mary Ann Singleton: [grabbing receiver] MICHAEL!
- Mary Ann's Mother: Mary Ann?
- Mary Ann Singleton: Uh... Hi, Mom.
- [takes phone into bedroom]
- Mary Ann's Mother: Oh my God. We haven't heard from you in weeks.
- Mary Ann Singleton: Sorry. It's been hectic.
- Mary Ann's Mother: Who was that man?
- Mary Ann Singleton: Who? Oh. Michael. Heeeee's...
- Mary Ann's Mother: What's his last name?
- Mary Ann Singleton: What?
- Mary Ann's Mother: His last name Mary Ann. Don't you KNOW his last name? Oh my God... I saw something like this on "McMillan and Wife" just last week and...
- Mary Ann Singleton: [walking out of bedroom holding receiver aloft for Mona and Michael to hear] What difference does it make what his last name is?
- Mary Ann's Mother: You know darling, your father and I were talking and we thought you deserved a chance to try your wings. But we can't just let you throw your life away.
- Mary Ann Singleton: It's my life to throw Mom.
- Mary Ann's Mother: No it's not. Not when you apparently don't have the maturity to...
- Mary Ann Singleton: Well how would you know?
- Mary Ann's Mother: Mary Ann, a strange man answered the phone.
- Mary Ann Singleton: He's not a strange man Mom. He's a homosexual
- [mouthing "shhhhhhh" to Mona and Michael as Mona makes devil's antennae over Michael's head]
- Mary Ann's Mother: WHAT?
- Mary Ann Singleton: I know you've heard of them. They have them on TV now!
- [Mona opens Michael's door to find him in bed with Jon]
- Mona Ramsey: Hi, I'm Nancy Drew. You must be the Hardy Boys.