Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis (TV Series)

Ben Stiller (2010)

Ben Stiller: Self

Quotes 

• Zach Galifianakis - Host : [to the camera]  Hello, my name is Zach Galifianakis and this is another edition of "Between Two Ferns", my guest today is "Ben Stickler."

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [to Ben]  Is it Stickler, or Stiffer?

  Ben Stiller : It's Stiller.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [making a joke]  Wouldn't it be cool if you'd change your last name to "there done that?"

  Ben Stiller : [Sarcastically]  Yeah it would.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Do you get it?

  Ben Stiller : Yeah I get it, if I was from the south, you're from the south right?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Yeah then it'd be better because it'd be "been there done that."

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Are you making fun of people from the south?

  Ben Stiller : Not at all.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Because people from there wouldn't like that, they're stupid enough to go to your fucking movies.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [looking at his notes]  Bad start, what are the things that get on your nerves when people ask you to do in interviews because I thought it'd be cool to ask you to do the "blue steel look" from "Jewlander."

  Ben Stiller : [confused]  From what?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [intentionally insulting him]  From Jewlander, blue steel look, do you do that a lot?

  Ben Stiller : You mean "Jew steel?"

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Is it "Jew steal?", they told me "blue steal", I haven't seen the movie "Jew steal", do the "Jew steal look" from "Blue lander."

  Ben Stiller : [intentionally insulting Zach and his show "Between Two Ferns"]  It just feels to me a lot of the time that there's people doing so much, putting so much effort into producing a series or a show that hardly anybody is going to see, do you know what I mean?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : What are you "impluging"? I don't even know what you're talking about?

  Ben Stiller : I'm here to talk about my new movie Greenberg.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [looking at his notes]  So here is a clip from Greenberg.

  Ben Stiller : [after Zach plays an audio clip, sarcastically to Zach]  Maybe next time you can get a video clip to show too, I think it'd make more sense.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : I thought about that.

  Ben Stiller : And then what?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : It was just too much trouble.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [referring to the audio clip]  It sounded like somebody opening a door, what was that sound?

• Ben Stiller : It sounded like a car door.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : There was a car in the movie?

  Ben Stiller : There was a car in the movie.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [sarcastically]  Cool, what kind of car was it?

  Ben Stiller : [sensing his sarcasm, dismissing his question]  I...? Whatever.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Cool.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : What movie in your career, if you don't mind me asking, and then I'll do mine, have you been in that you're not that crazy about what you've done.

  Ben Stiller : It's a movie called "Highway to Hell."

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Mine is "Night at the Museum 2."

  Ben Stiller : I thought you were referring to movies that we were actually in.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : No, movies that you've been in.

  Ben Stiller : It's too bad because Night at the Museum 3, they're casting that now and there's this role of a lighthouse attendant who's about four feet foot one, grumpy.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Can I be in it?

  Ben Stiller , Zach Galifianakis - Host : You can definitely read for it.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Do you want my email address?

  Ben Stiller : I'll have them get in touch with you.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [writing his email address on paper]  Don't be put off by this email address, as I said before I knew...

  Ben Stiller : ok...

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [hands him the paper]  Just email me here.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [referring to the movie]  When is the shoot?

  Ben Stiller : [looking at the paper]  This is your email address?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Yeah I didn't even...

  Ben Stiller : [interrupts him]  Your email address is BenStillerfaggot69@verizon.net?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Yeah, BenStillerfaggot@verizon.net was already taken so I had to add 69 at the end.

  Ben Stiller : Ok, good.

• Zach Galifianakis - Host : So you're a healthy eater, I like to eat healthy these days.

  Ben Stiller : Yeah.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : For breakfast I had...

  Ben Stiller : [interrupts him]  Egg yellows?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Two waffles and a pancake.

  Ben Stiller : Two waffles and a pancake?

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : [changing the topic]  Do you ever wished that you followed your parents into comedy?

  Ben Stiller : [remains silent] 

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Taking that comedy route?

  Ben Stiller : [taking off his microphone]  Ok, I'm done.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : Are you going to the bathroom?

  Ben Stiller : No, I'm leaving.

  Ben Stiller : [standing up to leave]  Thank you.

  Zach Galifianakis - Host : You're welcome.