- Dagmar - Hostess: Is there anyone here from Loveseat, Iowa?
- Milton Delugg - Accordionist: Hey, Dag, that's not Loveseat, it's Davenport!
- Dagmar - Hostess: Well, what's the difference?
- Dagmar - Hostess: Hello, Lieutenant. Do I have your rank right?
- Soldier: Almost.
- Dagmar - Hostess: What is it?
- Soldier: Private.
- Dagmar - Hostess: Let's all sing "Shine On, Harvest Moon". How about a key, Milton.
- Milton Delugg - Accordionist: Key? How about A Major.
- Dagmar - Hostess: A Major is a little high. How 'bout A Corporal.
- Joey Faye - Sketch Actor: What did he do? I caught him in the kitchen putting eight pats of butter on one slice of bread! Do you know you could be sent to the guardhouse for that?
- Robert Scheerer - Dancer: Yeah? On what charge?
- Joey Faye - Sketch Actor: Impersonating an officer!
- Dagmar - Hostess: What's wrong with officers? They're almost like people.