Sausage Party (2016)

Bill Hader: Firewater, Tequila, El Guaco

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mr. Grits : We the Non-Perishables, motherfucker.

  Twink : We never expire.

  Firewater : We are... Immortal. This here's Twink and Grits.

  Mr. Grits : They call me Mr. Grits.

  Firewater : Eh, Mr. Grits. Whatever.

  Mr. Grits : You told him about the crackers?

• Frank : If what you're saying is true, I got to tell everyone!

  Firewater : Very noble, little sausage. But also, very pointless. No one will believe you.

  Frank : I have to try... Everyone will die otherwise.

  Firewater : Oh yeah. That's a good point. Fuck me, right?

  Frank : Wait. Do you guys have any proof of this?

• Firewater : So, you have learned the terrible truth. Congratulations! Now keep it to yourself, or I'll slit your throat while you sleep. I swear to God.

  Honey Mustard : Oh my God! Did you guys just fucking hear that?

  Ketchup : What? What are you looking at?

  [sees Firewater has vanished] 

  Ketchup : He's gone.

  Honey Mustard : Where the fuck did he go? I'm, so fucked up. I'm, so fucked up!

  [Ketchup tries to touch Honey Mustard] 

  Honey Mustard : Ketchup, Get the fuck off of me! Nobody fucking touch me!

• Firewater : Hello there, little sausage. You and your friends have accomplished the impossible and for that, I give you mad props. But, now that you have shattered one truth: It is time for you to learn... that we are not REAL! Booga Booga Booga.

  Gum : While tripping balls, Firewater and I made an important meta-psychical breakthrough.

  Firewater : The world is a fucking illusion, bro. Our lives are being manipulated for the entertainment of monsters, twisted, tasteless, juvenile monsters, puppet masters in the other dimension! We're something called... Cartoons.

  [Frank, Brenda, Kareem, Sammy, Barry and Teresa gasped] 

  Frank : What?

  Firewater : You, Frank... are the plaything of a demented schlubby Jewish actor named:

  [the image of actor Seth Rogen] 

  Firewater : Seth Ro-gan.

  Frank : Wait. I'm Jewish?

  Sammy : So... who am I?

  Gum : You are the toy of a more talented and celebrated actor named:

  [the image of actor Edward Norton] 

  Gum : Ed-ward Nor-ton.

  Sammy : Ed-ward Nor-ton? What kind of parent gives their kid a stupid cunt name like that?

  Gum : Worry not, friends. I have a solution.

• Firewater : We blaze for real 24/7, no joke, but we also know our shit.

• [repeated line] 

  Firewater : Hiya, how are ya?

• Firewater : The melody came to me one night when I was getting super, super, SUPER baked. Like fuck-a-guy, baked. You know what I'm saying?

  [Frank shakes his head no] 

  Firewater : Yeah, he does. The song had a great hook and it caught on, I mean, you know... In time, everyone accepted this false truth. But over the years, things started to get a little... fucky.

  [flashbacks] 

  Firewater : The aisles started changing my verses to support their own views, fucking with Twink's tight-ass lyrics, remixing my shit without my permish... Now, every morning when I hear that song, I'm like, 'What the fuck are you guys saying, hey? Wasn't their a part today about exterminating juice? I didn't write that shit, I love juice. Always have, I mean, juice are hilarious. Who the fuck do these guys think they are?'

  [back to present] 

  Firewater : Anyway, at least it's still distracting them from the truth: that they get brutally devoured.

• Firewater : Before us, everyone knew the awful truth.

  [flashbacks] 

  Firewater : Ohhhh, how they screamed. It was a living nightmare. So, we the Non-Perishables created a story, the story of the Great Beyond. A place where the Gods care for you, and all your wildest and wettest dreams would come true. They would go out those doors happy, instead of shitting themselves.

• Douche : What part of "I want the sausage and the bun dead, if you see them, come and get me. And if I found out that you didn't come and get me, or if you couldn't find them, I'll fucking kill your ass." did you not understand, Tequila?

  Tequila : Uh, it's a pretty confusing sentence, to be honest.

• Firewater : Fuck me right?

• [Douche throws the Tequila's head and hits El Guaco in the groin] 

  El Guaco : OW! Right in my guac and balls!

• Tequila : Excuse me? Are you a bun?

  Brenda : Uhh... Yeah, I am. Why?

  Tequila : And you've been traveling with the sausage?

  Tequila : I have! He's looking for you in my aisle. He's right this way. I can take you to him, chica. I take you to him real good.

  Tequila : He's looking for you in my aisle. He's right this way. I can take you to him, chica. I take you to him real good.

  [laughing hysterically] 

  Tequila : All right, vaminos. Let's go. I am to be trusted.

  [laughs again] 

• Firewater : This is good. Fuck a guy good, you know? Yeah, he knows.

• Tequila : All right, I gather right here, amigo. and... SHIT!

  [Brenda, Lavash, Sammy Bagel, Jr. and Teresa have vanished] 

• Mr. Grits : Jesus fucking Christ!

  Firewater : Hey, fellas. You think what I'm thinking?

  Twink : Ready fucking sure I am.

  Mr. Grits : Oh, shit.