- [Steve and Rob are booked into a double room at the Inn]
- Rob Brydon: This is a huge bed. We could easily share this bed.
- Steve Coogan: It might be huge to you, it's average size to me.
- Rob Brydon: Oh that's right, I forgot, you're considerably taller. What's the problem, anyway? What do you think's gonna happen? Eh?
- Steve Coogan: You might touch my bottom.
- Rob Brydon: Oh, all right. Were you an altar boy?
- Steve Coogan: Yes, I was.
- Rob Brydon: Seriously?
- Steve Coogan: Yes.
- Rob Brydon: Oh, all right. Well, I'll go on the sofa if you want, if it's... Sorry, I didn't realise we were into Oprah Winfrey territory. Are you seriously saying you were abused as a child when you were an altar boy?
- Steve Coogan: Only verbally, and physically. Not sexually. Just punched by a priest.
- [In a restaurant, Rob has ordered scallops, Steve has ordered tomato soup]
- Rob Brydon: Mmm. What's your's like?
- Steve Coogan: Well, it tastes of tomatoes.
- Rob Brydon: Not a connoisseur, are you, with food?
- Steve Coogan: Look, the reason I was doing this trip was to bring Mischa along. She's passionate about food, she loves food.
- Rob Brydon: She's the food buff then, out of the two of you?
- Steve Coogan: She's a very confident foodie and I thought she could help me, and I wanted to show Mischa the... you know, the North. Show her a piece of me.
- Rob Brydon: You're from Manchester. You could take her round and show her the gun crime sites.
- Steve Coogan: [after another of Rob's impressions] I think anyone over 40 who amuses themself by doing impressions needs to take a long, hard look in the mirror.
- Rob Brydon: [as Al Pacino] Maybe you're right. I don't know. But I see a guy who has something stuck up his ass, who's too uptight to let go.
- Steve Coogan: No, I like humour, I like levity, I like brevity. I just like to...
- Rob Brydon: Gravity? Where do you stand on that?
- Steve Coogan: Firmly. On terra firma.
- Steve's UK Agent: [over the phone] Where exactly are you at the moment?
- Steve Coogan: I'm in the Trough of Bowland. Rather appropriately, Greg, I'm in a trough. Literally and metaphorically.