- Milton Delugg - Accordionist: Who is the gal we're crazy about?
- Ray Malone - Singer: And who is the gal whose praises we shout?
- Joey Faye - Sketch Actor: And who is the gal who's comin' right out?
- Milton Delugg - Accordionist, Ray Malone - Singer, Joey Faye - Sketch Actor: Dag-mar!
- Dagmar - Hostess: Hello, Fifth Army!
- [silence]
- Dagmar - Hostess: No Fifth Army? Hello, Fifth Navy!
- [silence]
- Dagmar - Hostess: They must be busy on maneuvers. Well hello, 2nd Division! Are there any 2nd Division...?
- [silence]
- Dagmar - Hostess: Well, say hello anyway. Hello!
- Audience: Hello!
- Dagmar - Hostess: One thing I want to know about the 2nd Division - is it short division or long division?
- Soldier: I don't know.
- Dagmar - Hostess: Well, I was never very good at figures.
- Soldier: [eyeing Dagmar's shapely torso] I don't believe that!
- Dagmar - Hostess: I have a book here that tells you exactly what your name means. What's your first name?
- Soldier: Albert.
- Dagmar - Hostess: Albert? Let's see. Albert... Albert means you're a leader of men. What's your rank?
- Soldier: PFC.
- Dagmar - Hostess: What's your name?
- Soldier: Benjamin.
- Dagmar - Hostess: Ben? That's means a man of great intelligence. How much is three times three?
- Soldier: Nine.
- Dagmar - Hostess: ...Close enough.
- Tatlock: I'm a graduate of Harvard - B.S., M.A. and Ph.D.
- Dagmar - Hostess: What a strange way to spell Harvard.
- Dagmar - Hostess: Mr. Amsterdam, I think it's so sweet of you to come over. Have you any experience as a model?
- Morey Amsterdam - Sketch Actor: Ahh, yeah! There was one I was out with last night.
- Morey Amsterdam - Sketch Actor: I'm a type of cover boy.
- Dagmar - Hostess: Oh, really? Magazine or manhole?