Blubberella (2011)

Lindsay Hollister: Blubberella

Photos 

Quotes 

• Blubberella : [from trailer] 

  [as Blubberella is surrounded by Nazis] 

  Blubberella : Is that Hitler?

  [Nazis turn to look as Blubberella runs away] 

• Blubberella : [Refuses to pick up egg]  Uh...

  Vadge : I know you're just gonna leave that on the floor.

  Blubberella : I'll get it momma!

  Vadge : [stands up]  Now!

  Blubberella : I'll get it when I wanna get it.

  Vadge : You'll get it when you wanna get it?

  Blubberella : Yeah.

  Vadge : Is this your house? You think you're a grown-ass vampire cause you gave it up to your little cootchie pie? Well you ain't no grown-ass vampire! You're average! Are you listening to me? Are you listening to me bitch?

  [hits Blubberella with a pan] 

  Vadge : I guess I didn't hit you hard enough!

  [picks up a turkey leg] 

  Vadge : Come get a snack bitch, come on!

• Blubberella : Time to kill some Nazis!

• Nathaniel Gregor : I certainly would have remembered you from the resistance fighter meetings. I would have brought the cookies, but I fear you would have eaten them all.

  Blubberella : Cookies?

  Nathaniel Gregor : I'm Nathaniel. You've already met my partner Vadge.

  Blubberella : Oh... partners.

  Nathaniel Gregor : I've never seen anybody move like you do. Like a caged rhino who hasn't been fed in weeks. Curious thing is I'm not so sure you are a girl.

  Blubberella : What the fuck's that supposed to mean?

  Nathaniel Gregor : You're her, aren't you. The Dhaphir?

  Vadge : She kind of moves like a watermelon.

  Nathaniel Gregor : I would really like to talk to you.

  Blubberella : Well, if your men would get their phallic symbols out of my face, I guess you can buy me dinner.

  Nathaniel Gregor : Where's the Commandant?

  Blubberella : An appetizer.

• Blubberella : [Drops egg on floor]  Oops.

  Vadge : Now who's gonna clean all that motherfuckin' mess up? I just got new linoleum!

• [first lines] 

  Blubberella : [voice-over]  Hi, everybody! I'm Blubberella and I'm a superhero. Yes, I am. Stop laughing. I hope you're not seated too close to the screen because then you'll be in my splash zone! Here are some facts about me. I'm 800 years old. In my last high school I was voted mostly likely to marry a black man.

  [she enters a large walk-in freezer] 

  Blubberella : Oooo! This is my most favorite part of my house. I'm running a little low on processed meats. Okay, listen... don't judge me. You try living and being mocked for being half-human and half-vampire and not fitting in... cars, airplane seats, etc. Once I was stuck in Ferris wheel for eight hours. My good friend Sigmund Freud said that the experience didn't scar me too much. He said that I replaced sex with food. But then he raped me so that pretty much shot that feeling.

• Blubberella : I don't really like to play with my food.

  The Commandant : Where did you get that outfit? The fashion institute for the blind? Very funny!

  Blubberella : No. Don't joke because Germans are known for their sense of humor.

  The Commandant : Germans are VERY funny! Now, who shall I say has the honor of besting me today?

  Blubberella : [tired]  I'm the Dhaphir. Half-human, half-vampire. Like killing you is any honor.