Sexual Witchcraft (2011 TV Movie)

Holly Sampson: Carrie

Quotes 

• [Sheri Williams comes into the living room and is shocked to see Carrie and Cleopatra kissing each other on the couch] 

  Sheri : Carrie!

  [Carrie and Cleopatra stop kissing, turn around and are surprised to see Sheri] 

  Sheri : What the hell is going on here?

  Carrie : [putting her clothes back on]  Uh... I, um, well, uh... this is your wedding present!

  Sheri : What? Who is that girl?

  Cleopatra : I am Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt.

  Sheri : Right. What is going on here?

  Carrie : Well, um, it's like this: Uh, I overheard you and David talking on the phone about the cosmetic line and you needing a new idea!

  Sheri : Keep talking.

  Carrie : Well, who has better beauty secrets than Cleopatra! So I brought her here from ancient Egypt so that she could tell me, and I could tell you as a wedding present. But she wanted a tribute before she would tell me, so I was just pouting up. That's all.

  Sheri : That's an incredible story.

  Carrie : I know it's an incredible story, but it's true!

  Sheri : Okay. What is Cleopatra's big beauty secret?

  Carrie : Well, I don't know. Cleo?

  Cleopatra : June bugs.

  Sheri : June bugs?

  Cleopatra : June bugs. You take the tiny little wings and crush them into a fine powder and mix them into your base makeup. It gives the skin a brilliant glow.

  Sheri : I'm supposed to tell David that he needs to grind up the wings of June bugs and place them in Maribelle's beauty products?

  Cleopatra : Works for me.

• Sheri : [wakes up after a peaceful sleep and yawns]  Wow. Must've been the champagne.

  Carrie : [magically appears in front of Sheri]  Hungover?

  Sheri : [turns her head and sees Carrie]  What are you doing here?

  Carrie : Well, I thought I would drop in to... check out your new digs.

  Sheri : People usually wait for an invitation first.

  Carrie : Why would I do that? We're practically family. Why pick knits?

  Sheri : What do you really want?

  Carrie : Me? Nothing! But your absolute happiness. After all, that's why I am your best friend.

  Sheri : You were never really a great friend. You didn't even give me a wedding gift!

  Carrie : Well, not yet. I feel bad about that, but I'm working on it. By the way, does your husband know you're a witch yet? Was that not in the vows: "I will take this witch to be my lawfully wedded hag"?

  Sheri : No, he does not know yet. Didn't seem too important to mention it at the time.

  Carrie : Well, I'm sure he'll be surprised when he finds out.

  Sheri : And how would he find out?

  Carrie : I... I don't know, but I'm sure it'll slip out sooner or later.

  Sheri : I'm sure with you, it'll be sooner.

  Carrie : Perish the thought.

  Sheri : Well, if you don't mind, I've got things to do.

  Carrie : I can take a hint. Catch ya later, BFF.

  [magically disappears into thin air] 

• Carrie : Beauty secrets... hmm. What women have wanted to know for ages... and hasn't been discovered.

  [sees a head statue of Cleopatra on top of a fireplace mantel] 

  Carrie : That's it! Cleopatra, the most beautiful woman in history.

  [picks up the head statue and looks at it] 

  Carrie : I guess if I found out, that would be a very fitting gift for Sheri and David.

  [Abigail Turnbull watches from outside the window while Carrie recites a magical spell and waves her hand around the Cleopatra head statue] 

  Carrie : Cleopatra, Cleopatra, queen of the Nile, drop in and see me and stay for a while.

  [Cleopatra magically appears in front of Carrie. Abigail Turnbull is shocked at what she sees and faints on the sidewalk] 

  Carrie : Oh! Wow, I'm good!

• [Abigail Turnbull rings the doorbell and Carrie opens the door] 

  Carrie : Can I help you?

  Mrs. Turnbull : You're not Mrs. Williams!

  Carrie : Wow, you're quick. Uh, now what I can do for you, Mrs...?

  Mrs. Turnbull : Turnbull. Who are you?

  Carrie : Well, I'm Carrie, Sheri's girlfriend.

  Mrs. Turnbull : I never saw you come in the house today!

  Carrie : Well, I didn't know anyone was watching!

  Mrs. Turnbull : Well, I...

  Carrie : Okay, listen... listen, it's okay. I understand.

  Mrs. Turnbull : Is Mrs. Williams here?

  Carrie : Well, she is, but she's in the shower. Okay? I'll tell her you stopped by.

  Mrs. Turnbull : All right. I'll come back later.

  Carrie : Thank you.

• Cleopatra : What... is this? Where am I?

  Carrie : Well, it's the 21st century, baby! Like it?

  Cleopatra : Everything seems so strange... so different.

  Carrie : Well, I know, but if you help a girl out, I'll shoot you right back to whatever sand dune you came from.

  Cleopatra : I am Queen Cleopatra! No one speaks to me in this manner!

  Carrie : Oh! I'm sorry, Queen. No disrespect intended. I just haven't rubbed elbows with royalty before.

  Cleopatra : I see. And what is it you wish of me?

  Carrie : Well, I'd really like to know what your beauty secrets are. Clearly, you're doing something that works, and girls this day and age would love to know what it is.

  Cleopatra : My beauty secrets... Now, why should I tell you my beauty secrets?

  Carrie : Uh... 'cause you're a nice person?

  [laughs] 

  Carrie : Listen, what can it hurt? I mean, you've been dead for thousands of years.

  Cleopatra : I can never grant a wish without being paid tribute. What is it you offer?

  Carrie : Uh... I, I don't know. I mean, what would make you happy?

  Cleopatra : You are quite beautiful yourself. Your tribute would be... to please me.

  Carrie : Please you?

  [laughs] 

  Carrie : You mean, like... please you?

  Cleopatra : You may begin now.

  Carrie : Well... the price is certainly right.

  [laughs, walks up to Cleopatra and kisses her on the lips, then they go to the couch, sit right down and begin seducing each other]