Come Fly with Me (TV Series)

Episode #1.1 (2010)

David Walliams: Melody Baines, Moses Beacon, Buster Bell, Ian Foot, Penny Carter, Omar Baba, Judith Surname, Jackie Trent, Airport Security Officer, Geoff, Neil, Nanako

Quotes 

• Narrator : Omar is one of Britain's most high profile businessmen. But today he has woken up to find himself in the middle of a PR disaster.

  Omar Baba : [on the phone]  Why? Have not had plane crash since Tuesday!

• Keeley St Clair : How's it going with your boyfriend?

  Melody Baines : Which one?

  Keeley St Clair : Craig.

  Melody Baines : Black Craig or White Craig?

  Keeley St Clair : White Craig.

  Melody Baines : He's in prison.

  Keeley St Clair : What for?

  Melody Baines : Beating up Black Craig.

• Narrator : There have been allegations in the morning papers that FlyLo planes have been flying without lifejackets. But Omar is quick to respond.

  [the documentary cuts to Omar in the cabin of a FlyLo plane] 

  Omar Baba : [to the camera, gesturing at the seats]  This seat, lifejacket! This seat, lifejacket! This seat, lifejacket! This seat...

  [he checks underneath the seat] 

  Omar Baba : Lifejacket soon! This seat, lifejacket. And what's more, I've made easier than ever for passengers to use the lifejackets. I'll show you.

  [he grunts as he squeezes himself into one of the economy class seats] 

  Omar Baba : OK, we are on our holidays. Suddenly, plane falls into sea. Kaboom! Plane is now filling with water. "Aah! Aah! Help me!" Not a problem! Simply reach under your seat...

  [he grunts and wheezes as he reaches under his seat and pulls out a bulky electronic credit card reader] 

  Omar Baba : [reading out the words on the display screen]  Do you want to purchase lifejacket? Yes.

  [presses button] 

  Omar Baba : Swipe card and enter PIN. OK.

  [he takes out a credit card, swipes it and keys in the PIN number] 

  Omar Baba : Would you like priority disembarkation? Hmmm... Yes. Purchase whistle? Yes. Add to cart. Total: £60. Lifejacket is now mine - for 20 minute. After 20 minute, it deflates automatically and I simply swim back into plane to pay for more. Is good, no?

  [he gives the thumbs up] 

• Ian Foot : As an Immigration Officer I am the first line of defence of this country's borders. And yes, I have been accused of being a racist. But if being highly suspicious of all foreigners makes you a racist then...

  [he laughs] 

  Ian Foot : Yeah! I mean, sure! Lock me up and throw away the key!

• Omar Baba : Toilets take up too much space on plane. If it is an hour flight, two hours, to Rome, to Paris... you can hold it in!