The VelociPastor (2018)
Gregory James Cohan: Doug Jones
Photos
Quotes
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Doug Jones : I don't believe you. Dinosaurs never existed, and even if they did, I don't transform into one.
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Doug Jones : What is it that you'd like to confess?
Frankie Mermaid : Ah, geez, I guess we could cover the last... four days? I stole candy from this baby, then I threw the baby in the river - so it couldn't snitch, obviously - then, ah, well, I pimp bitches, do drugs, sell drugs, murder people - really, you name it, I've done it, padre.
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Carol : I don't know much about God.
Doug Jones : I don't know much about dinosaurs.
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Doug Jones : You're a hooker?
Carol : And premed/law, but people aren't surprised as much by that one.
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Doug Jones : Father Stewart, what if I told you that I was different?
Father Stewart : You're not that different, Doug. There are plenty of men like that in the church.
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Doug Jones : I might be on a mission from God himself!
Father Stewart : That's insane, Doug! God does not want people dead!
Doug Jones : Oh, I think God wants a lot of people dead.
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Carol : Last night was... amazing.
Doug Jones : Oh. Oh, I see. Let me be fair and say this can never happen again.
Carol : So it was just a one-time thing?
Doug Jones : Yes, honestly it never should have happened at all.
Carol : That's for sure.
Doug Jones : Oh. Was it bad?
Carol : It was... weird.
Doug Jones : Oh.
Carol : Honestly, it all happened so quickly. I was very scared, I think I even peed myself.
Doug Jones : Oh. Was it your first time too?
Carol : Yeah.
Doug Jones : As I said, I'm a priest, so we can never say...
Carol : What, what are you talking about?
Doug Jones : What are *you* talking about?
Carol : That time you turned into a dinosaur and ate someone.
Doug Jones : Wait - what? What?