Set in Any Town, USA, in the near future, sixteen year old Herman Howards takes a bag full of guns and pipe bombs into the school gym, locks the doors and murders 39 fellow students and two teachers. Hello Herman is a fictional account of an all too frequent occurrence in America that aims to explain why such shootings occur so often and who or what is to blame.
What Hello Herman actually achieves is to leave the viewer with the sensation of having been bludgeoned with the extreme views from either side. You see, there are only two sides: black and white, left and right, monster and victim. There is no middle ground, no shades of grey.
Holding centre court is reformed neo-Nazi Lax Morales (yes, that really is his name and, no, it couldn't be any more obvious if we named a sexy temptress, um, Pussy Galore), played by The Walking Dead's Norman Reedus. Morales now hosts an online talk show and is condemned by rightwing TV journalist Chet Clarkson (Rob Estes) as being a liberal. We know that Morales has reformed because the left-facing swastika tattoo on his chest has been replaced with a tattoo of Jesus Christ. That the new tattoo is smaller than the old one and that there is nary a hint of scar tissue from tattoo removal is never mentioned.
Herman sends the video of his massacre to Morales and they begin a series of interviews in the prison as Herman awaits his swift, televised execution. Let's not talk about how he emails Morales the video, bearing in mind he is arrested at the gym, nor why his execution occurs in a matter of months, whereas there are men and women on death row twenty-odd years after conviction due to the appeals process
If we can accept that any reasonable, socialized individual agrees that killing people is wrong own then I won't have people accusing me of being unsympathetic/too sympathetic. This is a review is about a film, not my political views.
The 'soft' argument in Hello Herman is hammered home through a series of scenes looking at Herman's life and explanations from children's representative, Lyle Fergusson (John Bobek), who probably wears camel hair boxer shorts and socks with sandals by the way he's been written and performed. We know that Herman is a victim because he's bullied, the teachers don't stand up for him, his parents fought, his dad left, his mum ignores him, his sister died, a girl betrayed him, he plays violent games, Google tells him how to make bombs, supermarkets sell guns
I'm sorry, was that too subtle for you? Would you like me to explain? No, I'll leave that to Herman:
Herman: "You know what I miss more than anything?"
Morales: "What's that?"
Herman: "My Xbox. If I could get one more game in I'd be happy."
The 'hard' argument comes from Chet Clarkson and Senator Joan Cox (Christine Dunford), who might just as well have horns and a forked tail. Their view is that Herman is a sick, evil monster and frying him with electricity while strapped to a chair live on TV without even a hood to cover his face is just too damn good for him. At one point, Senator Cox declares, eye's wide and jaw gritted, "Killing people won't stop people killing people. But seeing the execution live sure as hell will!"
Again, do you need me to explain that a little better?
Hello Herman is one, long, arduous, ineptly made, shockingly acted (Reedus aside) propaganda film that does more damage than good. It is the cinematic equivalent of sprinkling salt on your food with a cement mixer.
Hello Herman has a very important message to give. It is a terrible subject matter that must be dealt with but, so far, the American governments over the years have failed to resolve it. That's a given. No problem there.
However, Hello Herman is a terrible film. If you wish to know more about the subject of school shootings and teenage angst that leads to extreme acts of violence, walk away from this very quickly and pick up a double bill of Bowling for Columbine and We Need to Talk About Kevin.
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