South Park (TV Series)

HUMANCENTiPAD (2011)

Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Waiter, Apple Employee #1, Clyde, Jimmy Valmer, Japanese Man, Steve Jobs, Dr. Phil, Man in Audience #1, Genius Leslie, Rescuer, News Reporter, Reporter

Photos 

Quotes 

• Eric Cartman : Mama, please can we go back and get the Toshiba Handibook?

  Liane Cartman : No.

  Eric Cartman : Well, then can we at least pull up here and get some dinner? 'Cause I like to be wined and dined after I've been... FUCKED!

• Japanese Man : So sorry, Kyle, but I am starving. Which would you rather I eat? Should I eat a cuttlefish and asparagus or the vanilla paste-o?

  Kyle Broflovski : [muffled]  Vanilla paste! Vanilla paste!

• Stan Marsh : We're trying to find out exactly what Kyle agreed to.

  Gerald Broflovski : There can't be anything in that agreement that allows a company to do what they're talking about to Kyle.

• Eric Cartman : It does email and web browsing and it shits in Kyle's mouth? This is the greatest thing that has ever been invented!

• Gerald Broflovski : Well, that does it! I'm going to the police.

  Stan Marsh : For what?

  Gerald Broflovski : To find out where Apple is keeping my son.

  Stan Marsh : Dude, when the police want to know where somebody is, they ask Apple.

• [last lines, everyone leaves as Steve Jobs has Kyle separated from his two victims] 

  Eric Cartman : Hey! Hey, what is this! Some sort of sick prank? I get the greatest thing ever just to have it taken away?

  [looks up at the sky] 

  Eric Cartman : [innocent tone]  Why did you do this to me, God? Next time you're gonna get my hopes up, could you please take me to a grease monkey? 'Cause I like to get lubed up...

  [his tone changes to total fury] 

  Eric Cartman : ... before I get FUCKED! Huh? Some lube would be nice, or at least a courtesy lick, God! How about a little courtesy lick next time you decide to FUCK me!

  [without warning, a bolt of lightning hits Cartman, the screen suddenly goes black, the final scene shows Cartman recuperated in a hospital bed with injuries and burns, he cries as Liane sits by his side and just reads her book]