Sherlock (TV Series)

A Scandal in Belgravia (2012)

Lara Pulver: Irene Adler

Photos 

6 more photos

Quotes 

• Sherlock Holmes : Oh, enjoying the thrill of the chase is fine, and creating the distraction of the game I sympathize entirely, but SENTIMENT... sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side.

  Irene Adler : Sentiment? What are you talking about?

  Sherlock Holmes : You.

  Irene Adler : Oh, dear God. Look at the poor man. You don't actually think I was interested in you? Why? Because you're the great Sherlock Holmes, the clever detective in the funny hat?

  Sherlock Holmes : No... because I took your pulse: elevated; your pupils: dilated. I imagine John Watson thinks love's a mystery to me, but the chemistry is incredibly simple and very destructive. When we first met, you told me that disguise is always a self-portrait; how true of you. The combination to your safe: your measurements - but this...

  Sherlock Holmes : [taking her cell phone]  ... this is far more intimate. This is your heart, and you should never let it rule your head. You could have chosen any random number and walked out of here today with everything you've worked for, but you just couldn't resist it, could you? I've always assumed that love is a dangerous disadvantage. Thank you for the final proof.

  Irene Adler : Everything I said - it's not real. I was just playing the game.

  Sherlock Holmes : I know. And this is just losing.

• Sherlock Holmes : [to Watson]  Punch me in the face.

  Kate : [scene cuts to Irene Adler having makeup applied in her apartment]  Shade?

  Irene Adler : Blood.

  Dr. John Watson : [back in the street]  Punch you?

  Sherlock Holmes : Yes, punch me, in the face. Didn't you hear me?

  Dr. John Watson : I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're speaking, but it's usually sub-text.

  Sherlock Holmes : Oh, for God's sakes!

  [Sherlock punches John hard across the face] 

  Dr. John Watson : Oh!

  [Sherlock waits; John, now sufficiently roused, returns Sherlock's punch] 

  Sherlock Holmes : [getting up from the ground]  Thank you, that was... that was...

  [Not done, John delivers Sherlock a gut punch] 

  Sherlock Holmes : [now being strangled]  Okay, I think we're done now, John.

  Sherlock Holmes : You ought to remember, Sherlock, I was a soldier. I killed people.

  Dr. John Watson : You were a doctor!

  Dr. John Watson : I had bad days!

• Sherlock Holmes : Please don't feel obliged to tell me that was remarkable or amazing. John's expressed that thought in every possible variant available to the English language.

  Irene Adler : I would have you right here, on this desk, until you begged for mercy twice.

  Sherlock Holmes : [long pause]  John, please can you check those flight schedules, see if I'm right?

  Dr. John Watson : Yeah, I'm on it, yeah.

  Sherlock Holmes : I've never begged for mercy in my life.

  Irene Adler : Twice.

• Irene Adler : Mr. Holmes, if it was the end of the world, if this was the very last night, would you have dinner with me?

  Mrs. Hudson : [off screen]  Sherlock?

  Irene Adler : Too late.

  Sherlock Holmes : That's not the end of the world, that's Mrs. Hudson.

• Irene Adler : I don't understand

  Sherlock Holmes : Oh, well, try to.

  Irene Adler : Why?

  Sherlock Holmes : Because you cater to the whims of the pathetic and take your clothes off to make an impression. Stop boring me and think. It's the new sexy.

• Irene Adler : Brainy's the new sexy.

• Sherlock Holmes : [reluctantly impressed]  Oh, you're rather good.

  Irene Adler : [returning the compliment]  You're not so bad.

  [intense gazing into eyes ensues] 

  Dr. John Watson : [interrupting the pause]  Hamish.

  [startled looks from Irene and Sherlock] 

  Dr. John Watson : John Hamish Watson, just... if you were... looking for baby names.

• Dr. John Watson : You were dead on a slab. It was definitely you.

  Irene Adler : DNA tests are only as good as the records you keep.

  Dr. John Watson : Oh, and I bet you know the record-keeper.

  Irene Adler : I know what he likes. And I needed to disappear.

  Dr. John Watson : Then how come I can see you and I don't even want to?

  Irene Adler : Look, I made a mistake. I sent something to Sherlock for safekeeping and now I need it back, so I need your help.

  Dr. John Watson : No.

  Irene Adler : It's for his own safety.

  Dr. John Watson : So is this. Tell him you're alive.

  Irene Adler : I can't.

  Dr. John Watson : Fine, I'll tell him and I still won't help you.

  Irene Adler : What do I say?

  Dr. John Watson : [shouting]  What do you normally say? You've texted him a lot!

  Irene Adler : Just the usual stuff.

  Dr. John Watson : There is no usual in this case.

  Irene Adler : [reading a set of text messages]  "Good morning. I like your funny hat." "I'm sad tonight, let's have dinner." "Hmm, you look sexy on Crime Watch, let's have dinner." "I'm not hungry." "Let's have dinner."

  Dr. John Watson : You... flirted... with Sherlock Holmes?

  Irene Adler : *At* him. He never replies.

  Dr. John Watson : No, Sherlock always replies, to everything. He's Mr. Punchline. He will outlive God trying to have the last word.

  Irene Adler : Does that make me special?

  Dr. John Watson : I don't know, maybe.

• Irene Adler : [stark naked before them]  D'you know the big problem with a disguise, Mr. Holmes? However hard you try, it's always a self-portrait.

  Sherlock Holmes : You think I'm a vicar with a bleeding face?

  Irene Adler : No, I think you're damaged, delusional and believe in a higher power. In your case, it's yourself. And somebody loves you. Oh, if I had to punch that face...

  Irene Adler : [looks over at John]  ... I'd avoid your nose and teeth, too.

  Dr. John Watson : [laughs nervously]  Could you put something on, please? Uh, anything at all. A napkin...

  Sherlock Holmes : Why? Are you feeling exposed?

  Irene Adler : I don't think John knows where to look.

  [Stands up and offers coat to Irene] 

  Irene Adler : No, I think he knows exactly where. I'm not sure about you.

  Sherlock Holmes : If I were to look at naked women, I'd borrow John's laptop.

  Dr. John Watson : You do borrow my laptop.

  Sherlock Holmes : I confiscate it.

• Sherlock Holmes : There you are, brother. I hope the contents make up for any inconvenience I may have caused you tonight.

  Mycroft Holmes : I'm certain they will.

  Sherlock Holmes : If feeling kind, lock her up, otherwise let her go. I doubt she'll survive long without her protection.

  Irene Adler : Are you expecting me to beg?

  Sherlock Holmes : Yes.

  Irene Adler : Please. You're right, I won't even last six months.

  Sherlock Holmes : I'm sorry about dinner.

• Irene Adler : Oh, Jim Moriarty sends his love.

  Mycroft Holmes : Yes, he's been in touch. Seems desperate for my attention, which I'm sure can be arranged.

  Irene Adler : I had all this stuff; never knew what to do with it. Thank God for the consultant criminal. Gave me a lot of advice about how to play the Holmes boys. Do you know what he calls you? The Ice-man... and the Virgin.

• Sherlock Holmes : Coventry.

  Irene Adler : I've never been. Is it nice?

  Sherlock Holmes : Where's John?

  Irene Adler : He went out, a couple hours ago.

  Sherlock Holmes : I was just talking to him.

  Irene Adler : He said you do that.

• Irene Adler : Oh, look at those cheekbones. I could cut myself slapping that face. Would you like me to try?

• Irene Adler : Mr. Holmes, I think we need to talk.

  Sherlock Holmes : So do I. There are a number of aspects I'm still not quite clear on.

  Irene Adler : [passing Sherlock to get to Mycroft]  Not you, Junior, you're done now.

• Irene Adler : Oh, he's good, isn't he? I should have him on a leash. In fact, I might.

• Irene Adler : [to Sherlock]  This is how I want you to remember me. The woman who beat you.

• Irene Adler : Well, I know what he likes.