- Dr. John Watson: Don't do that.
- Sherlock Holmes: Do what?
- Dr. John Watson: The look.
- Sherlock Holmes: Look?
- Dr. John Watson: You're doing the look again.
- Sherlock Holmes: Well, I can't see it, can I?
- [John indicates the mirror, Sherlock looks]
- Sherlock Holmes: It's my face.
- Dr. John Watson: Yes, and it's doing a thing. You're doing a we-both-know-what's-really-going-on-here face.
- Sherlock Holmes: Well, we do.
- Dr. John Watson: No, I don't. Which is why I find the face so annoying.
- [last lines]
- Dr. John Watson: Um... Mmm, right, you... You told me once... that you weren't a hero. Umm, there were times I didn't even think you were human but let me tell you this, you were, uh, the best man and the most human... human being that I've ever known and no one will ever convince me that you told me a lie. That so... there.
- [pause]
- Dr. John Watson: I was... I was so alone. And I owe you so much.
- [turns and starts to walk away]
- Dr. John Watson: Oh, please, there's just one more thing, right? One more thing. One more miracle, Sherlock, for me. Don't... be... dead. Would you, just for me, just stop it? Stop this.
- Jim Moriarty: Every fairy tale needs a good old-fashioned villain.
- [pause]
- Jim Moriarty: You need me or you're nothing. Because we're just alike, you and I. Except you're boring. You're on the side of the angels.
- Sherlock Holmes: Linseed oil.
- Anderson: Not much use. Doesn't lead us to the kidnapper.
- Sherlock Holmes: Brilliant, Anderson.
- Anderson: Really?
- Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Brilliant impression of an idiot.
- Moriarty: How hard do you find it, having to say "I don't know?"
- Sherlock Holmes: I don't know.
- Moriarty: Ooh, that's clever.
- Jim Moriarty: I can open any door anywhere with a few tiny lines of computer code. No such thing as a private bank account now. They're all mine. No such thing as secrecy. I *own* secrecy. Nuclear codes? I could blow up NATO in alphabetical order. In a world of locked rooms, the man with the key is king. And, honey, you should see me in a crown.
- Sherlock Holmes: [handcuffed to John and running] Take my hand.
- Dr. John Watson: Now people will definitely talk.
- Jim Moriarty: You think you can make me stop the order? You think you can make me do that?
- Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
- [pause]
- Sherlock Holmes: So do you.
- Jim Moriarty: Sherlock, your big brother and all the King's horses couldn't make me do a thing I didn't want to.
- Sherlock Holmes: Yes, but I'm not my brother, remember? I am you. Prepared to do anything. Prepared to burn. Prepared to do what ordinary people won't do. You want me to shake hands with you in Hell? I shall not disappoint you.
- Jim Moriarty: Nah. You talk big. Nah. You're ordinary. You're ordinary, you're on the side of the angels.
- Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I may be on the side of the angels, but don't think for one *second* that I am one of them.
- Sherlock Holmes: [In their apartment, reading the latest tabloids] "Boffin"? Boffin Sherlock Holmes.
- Dr. John Watson: Everybody gets one.
- Sherlock Holmes: One what?
- Dr. John Watson: Tabloid nickname. Subo, Nasty Nick. Shouldn't worry. I'll probably get one soon.
- Sherlock Holmes: Page five, column six, first sentence. Why is it always the *hat* photograph?
- Dr. John Watson: "*Bachelor* John Watson."
- Sherlock Holmes: What kind of hat is it anyway?
- Dr. John Watson: Bachelor? What the hell are they implying?
- Sherlock Holmes: Is it a cap? Why has it got two fronts?
- Dr. John Watson: It's a deerstalker. "... frequently seen in the company of *bachelor* John Watson."
- Sherlock Holmes: How do you stalk a deer with a hat? What are you going to do, throw it?
- Dr. John Watson: "*Confirmed* bachelor, John Watson."
- Sherlock Holmes: Is it like some sort of death frisbee?
- Dr. John Watson: Okay, this is too much. We need got to be more careful.
- Sherlock Holmes: It's got flaps. *Ear* flaps, it's an *ear* hat, John.
- [Throws the hat to John]
- Sherlock Holmes: What do you mean, more careful?
- Dr. John Watson: I mean, this isn't a deerstalker now, it's a Sherlock Holmes hat. I mean, that you're not exactly a *private* detective any more. You're this far from famous.
- Sherlock Holmes: Oh, it'll pass.
- [after Sherlock is arrested]
- Chief Superintendant: Donovan? That's our man?
- Sgt Sally Donovan: Uh, yes, sir.
- Chief Superintendant: Looked a bit of a weirdo, if you ask me. Often are, these vigilante types.
- [notices John staring at him]
- Chief Superintendant: What you lookin' at?
- [Cut to later; the Chief Superintendent walks out onto Baker Street with a handkerchief to his bloody nose]
- Cop: Are you all right, sir?
- [John is slammed against a police car next to Sherlock and handcuffed to him]
- Sherlock Holmes: Joining me?
- Dr. John Watson: Yeah. Apparently it's against the law to chin the Chief Superintendent.
- Sherlock Holmes: [waiting for Molly in the darkened lab, she enters and is startled when he begins to speak] You're wrong, you know. You do count. You've always counted and I've always trusted you. But you were right. I'm not okay.
- Molly Hooper: Tell me what's wrong.
- Sherlock Holmes: Molly... I think I'm going to die.
- Molly Hooper: What do you need?
- Sherlock Holmes: If I wasn't everything that you think I am, everything that *I* think I am... would you still want to help me?
- Molly Hooper: What do you need?
- Sherlock Holmes: [long pause] You.
- Sherlock Holmes: [muttering into microscope] I.O.U.
- [long pause]
- Sherlock Holmes: Glycerol molecule.
- [sighs]
- Sherlock Holmes: What are you?
- Molly Hooper: What did you mean, "I owe you"? You said "I owe you". You were muttering it while you were working.
- Sherlock Holmes: Nothing. Mental note.
- Molly Hooper: You look a bit like my dad. He's dead. Oh, sorry...
- Sherlock Holmes: Molly, please don't feel the need to make conversation. It's really not your area.
- Molly Hooper: When he was dying, he was always cheerful, he was lovely. Except when he thought no one could see. I saw him once. He looked sad.
- Sherlock Holmes: Molly...
- Molly Hooper: You look sad... When you think he can't see you.
- [pan to Watson working nearby]
- Molly Hooper: Are you okay? Don't just say you are, because I know what that means, looking sad when you think no one can see you.
- Sherlock Holmes: But, you can see me.
- Molly Hooper: I don't count. What I'm trying to say is that if there's anything... I can do, anything you need, anything at all, you can have me.
- [flustered]
- Molly Hooper: No, I just mean... I mean... If there's anything you need. It's fine.
- Sherlock Holmes: B-but what could I need from you?
- Molly Hooper: Nothing. I don't know. But you could probably say thank you, actually.
- Sherlock Holmes: [experimentally] Thank you.
- Molly Hooper: I'm just going to go and get some crisps. Do you want anything? It's okay. I know you don't.
- Sherlock Holmes: Well, actually, maybe I'll...
- Molly Hooper: I know you don't.
- Jim Moriarty: You know, when he was on his deathbed, Bach, he heard his son at the piano playing one of his... pieces. The boy stopped before he got to the end.
- Sherlock Holmes: And the dying man jumped out of bed, ran straight to the piano and finished it.
- Jim Moriarty: Couldn't cope with an unfinished melody.
- Sherlock Holmes: Neither can you. It's why you've come.
- Sherlock Holmes: How long have I known him? Not really your best line of enquiry. We met twice, five minutes in total. I pulled a gun. He tried to blow me up. I felt we had a special something.
- Judge: Miss Sorrel, are you seriously claiming this man is an expert? After knowing the accused for just five minutes?
- Sherlock Holmes: Two minutes would have made me an expert. Five was ample.
- Judge: Mr Holmes, that's a matter for the jury.
- Sherlock Holmes: Oh, really?
- [Holmes studies the jury members]
- Sherlock Holmes: One librarian, two teachers, two high-pressure jobs, probably the City. Foreman's a medical secretary, trained abroad, judging by her shorthand.
- Judge: Mr Holmes...
- Sherlock Holmes: Seven are married and two are having an affair with each other, it would seem. Oh, and they've just had tea and biscuits. Would you like to know who ate the wafer?
- Judge: Mr Holmes! You've been called here to answer Miss Sorrel's questions, not to give us a display of your intellectual prowess. Keep your answers brief and to the point. Anything else will be treated as contempt. Do you think you could survive for just a few minutes *without showing off*?
- [Holmes opens his mouth to say something; cut to a bailiff leading him to a jail cell]
- Dr. John Watson: No, I know you're for real.
- Sherlock Holmes: A 100%?
- Dr. John Watson: Nobody can fake being such an annoying *dick* all the time.
- [as Sherlock and John are handcuffed together]
- Sherlock Holmes: Hmm. Bit awkward, this.
- Dr. John Watson: There's no one to bail us.
- Sherlock Holmes: I was thinking more about our imminent and daring escape.
- Police Dispatcher: All units to 2-7.
- Dr. John Watson: [to Sherlock] What?
- [Sherlock triggers a police radio, causing feedback in all the uniformed officers' microphones. As the nearest one yanks his earpiece out, Sherlock grabs his gun and backs away from everyone]
- Police Dispatcher: All units to 2
- Sherlock Holmes: Ladies and gentlemen, will you all please get on your knees?
- [No one moves; he fires twice into the air]
- Sherlock Holmes: *Now* would be good!
- DI Lestrade: Do as he says!
- Dr. John Watson: Just-just so you're aware, the gun is his idea. I-I'm just, uh, you know...
- Sherlock Holmes: [pointing the gun at John] My hostage!
- Dr. John Watson: Hostage, yes, that works. That works. So what now?
- Sherlock Holmes: Doing what Moriarty wants. Becoming a fugitive. Run.
- Dr. John Watson: [to Mycroft Holmes] So there's one big lie, Sherlock's a fraud. But people will swallow it because the rest of it is true. Moriarty wanted Sherlock destroyed, right? And you have given him the perfect ammunition.
- Sherlock Holmes: This is my cab. You get the next one.
- Dr. John Watson: Why?
- Sherlock Holmes: You might talk.
- Sherlock Holmes: This phone call, it's, um... It's my note. It's what people do, don't they? Leave a note?
- Dr. John Watson: Leave a note when?
- Sherlock Holmes: Good-bye, John.
- Sherlock Holmes: [talking to John on the phone while on the roof of Barts] I'm a fake.
- Dr. John Watson: Sherlock.
- Sherlock Holmes: The newspapers were right all along. I want you to tell Lestrade. I want you to tell Mrs. Hudson. And Molly. In fact, tell anyone who will listen to you... that I created Moriarty for my own purposes.
- Dr. John Watson: Ok, shut up, Sherlock, shut up. The first time we met. The first time we met, you knew all about my sister. Right?
- Sherlock Holmes: Nobody could be that clever.
- Dr. John Watson: You could.
- [after an eye-witness screams at the sight of Sherlock Holmes]
- DI Lestrade: Well, don't let it get to you, I always feel like screaming when you walk into a room. In fact, so do most people.
- Sherlock Holmes: First mistake, James Moriarty isn't a man at all. He's a spider. A spider at the center of a web.Criminal web with a thousand threads and he knows precisely how each and every single one of them dances.
- [Sherlock has been called in as an expert witness at Moriarty's trial]
- Dr. John Watson: Remember...
- Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
- Dr. John Watson: Remember...
- Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
- Dr. John Watson: Remember what they told you. Don't try to be clever...
- Sherlock Holmes: No.
- Dr. John Watson: ...and please, just keep it simple and brief.
- Sherlock Holmes: [sarcastic] God forbid the star witness at the trial should come across as intelligent.
- Dr. John Watson: Intelligent, fine. Let's give smart-arse a wide berth.
- Sherlock Holmes: [pause] I'll just be myself.
- Dr. John Watson: Are you *listening* to me?
- Prosecuting Barrister: "A consulting criminal."
- Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
- Prosecuting Barrister: Your words. Can you expand on that answer?
- Sherlock Holmes: James Moriarty is for hire.
- Prosecuting Barrister: A tradesman?
- Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
- Prosecuting Barrister: But not the sort who'd fix your heating?
- Sherlock Holmes: No, the sort who'd plant a bomb or stage an assassination, but I'm sure he'd make a pretty decent job of your boiler.
- Prosecuting Barrister: Would you describe him as...
- Sherlock Holmes: Leading.
- Prosecuting Barrister: What?
- Sherlock Holmes: Can't do that. You're leading the witness. He'll object and the judge will uphold.
- Judge: Mr Holmes!
- Sherlock Holmes: Ask me how. How would I describe him? What opinion have I formed of him? Do they not teach you this?
- Kitty Reilly: I'm a big fan.
- Sherlock Holmes: Evidently.
- Kitty Reilly: I read your cases. Follow them all. Sign my shirt, would you?
- [unzips her jacket to reveal her cleavage]
- Sherlock Holmes: There are two types of fans.
- Kitty Reilly: Oh?
- Sherlock Holmes: Catch me before I kill again, type A.
- Kitty Reilly: Uh-huh. What's type B?
- Sherlock Holmes: Your bedroom's just a taxi ride away.
- Kitty Reilly: Hmm. Guess which one I am?
- Sherlock Holmes: [looks her up and down] Neither.
- Kitty Reilly: Really?
- Sherlock Holmes: No, you're not a fan at all. Those marks on your forearm. Edge of a desk. You've been typing in a hurry, probably. Pressure on, facing a deadline.
- Kitty Reilly: That all?
- Sherlock Holmes: And there's a smudge of ink on your wrist, and a bulge in your left jacket pocket.
- Kitty Reilly: Bit of a giveaway?
- Sherlock Holmes: The smudge is deliberate. It's to see if I'm as good as they say I am.
- [Smells her arm]
- Sherlock Holmes: Hmm. Oil-based. Used in newspaper print. But drawn on with an index finger. Your finger.
- Kitty Reilly: Hmm.
- Sherlock Holmes: Journalist. Unlikely you get your hands dirty at the press. You put that there to test me.
- Kitty Reilly: Wow! I'm liking you.
- Sherlock Holmes: You mean I'd make a great feature. "Sherlock Holmes, the man beneath the hat."
- Kitty Reilly: [takes off her Deerstalker hat] Kitty. Riley. Pleased to meet you.
- Sherlock Holmes: No. I'm just saving you the trouble of asking. No, I wont give you an interview. No, I don't want the money.
- [tries to leave]
- Kitty Reilly: You and John Watson. Just platonic? Can we put down for a no there as well?
- [stands in his way]
- Kitty Reilly: There's all sorts of... gossip in the press about you. Sooner or later, you're going to need someone on your side. Someone to... set the record straight.
- Sherlock Holmes: You think you're the girl for that job, do you?
- Kitty Reilly: I'm smart. And you can trust me... totally.
- Sherlock Holmes: Smart? Okay. Investigative journalist. Good. Well, look at me and tell me what you see.
- [pause]
- Sherlock Holmes: If you're that skillful, you don't need an interview, you can just... read what you need.
- [pause]
- Sherlock Holmes: No? Okay, my turn. I look at you and I see someone who's still waiting for their first big scoop so that their editor will notice them. You're wearing an expensive skirt that has been re-hemmed twice. The only posh skirt you've got. And your nails, you can't afford to do them that often. I see someone who's hungry. I don't see smart. And I definitely don't see trustworthy, but I'll give you a quote, if you like. Three little words...
- [brings her dicta-phone to his mouth]
- Sherlock Holmes: You... repel... me.
- Jim Moriarty: As long as I'm alive, you can save your friends. You've got a way out. Well, good luck with that.
- Jim Moriarty: Sir Boast-a-Lot was the bravest and cleverest knight at the round table. But soon, the other knights began to grow tired of his stories about how brave he was and how many dragons he'd slain. And so they began to wonder... are Sir Boast-a-Lot's stories even true?
- [first lines]
- Ella: Why today?
- Dr. John Watson: [long pause] Do you want to hear me say it?
- Ella: Eighteen months since our last appointment.
- Dr. John Watson: Do you read the papers?
- Ella: Sometimes.
- Dr. John Watson: Um, and you watch telly?
- [pause]
- Dr. John Watson: You know why I'm here.
- [pause]
- Dr. John Watson: I'm here because...
- [pause]
- Ella: What happened, John?
- Dr. John Watson: [long pause] Sher...
- [pause]
- Ella: You need to get it out.
- Dr. John Watson: My best friend... Sherlock Holmes... is dead.
- Jim Moriarty: In a world full of locked rooms, the man with the key is king, and honey you should see me in a crown.
- John Watson: Having fun?
- Sherlock Holmes: Starting to.
- John Watson: At least don't do the smiling. Kidnapped children?
- Jim Moriarty: Don't be scared! Fallings just like flying, except there's a more... permanent destination
- Jim Moriarty: We're a lot alike, you and I. Except your boring, your on the side of the angels!
- Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I may be on the side of the angels, but don't think for one second that I am one of them.
- Sherlock Holmes: [waiting for Molly in the darkened lab, she enters and is startled when he begins to speak] You do count. You've always counted, and I always trusted you. But you were right. I'm not ok.
- Molly Hooper: Tell me what's wrong.
- Sherlock Holmes: I think I'm going to die.
- Molly Hooper: What do you need?
- Sherlock Holmes: If I wasn't everything you think I am, or I think I am, would you still want to help me?
- Molly Hooper: What do you need?
- Sherlock Holmes: You.