- Rachel Berry: Okay, you know what, Santana? Finn is in great shape and your meanness only highlights your own insecurities.
- Santana Lopez: Rachel, your mustache is thicker than a Middle Eastern dictator.
- Finn Hudson: Hey, Santana! Why don't you just come out of the closet? You know, I think I know why you're so good at tearing everybody else down. It's because you're constantly tearing yourself down, because you can't admit to everybody that you're in love with Brittany and she might not love you back. That must hurt, not be able to admit to everyone how you really feel. You know what I think you are? A coward. See you at the mash off.
- Mercedes Jones: Ladies! Vocal warm-ups can wait. I was up half the night thinking about our mash-up for the mash-off, and it came to me: Adele.
- Sugar Motta: I sound just like her.
- Brittany Pierce: I love her. I think she sounds like how banana cream pie sounds when it sings.
- Santana Lopez: You seriously think you can out-insult me? I'm from Lima Heights, I was raised on insults. It's how my abuela puts me to sleep at night, and she was not a nice lady. Did you know she tried to sell me once? And it wasn't until I got to kindergarten that I learned my name wasn't Garbage Face.
- Brittany Pierce: Tornadoes are nature's most destructive force. These violent storms have ravaged America, crippling communities all across our land. Isn't it time we take a stand? If you honor me with being your next class president, I will make tornadoes illegal at McKinley, keeping you and your families at our school safe from their murderous rampages. Also, on Tuesdays, uh, I pledge to go topless.
- Santana Lopez: [to Finn] What did you just say to her?
- [points at Rachel]
- Finn Hudson: I said I thought you were great.
- Santana Lopez: No, you're lying.
- Rachel Berry: No. He literally just said that.
- Santana Lopez: [to Finn] You told her too?
- Will Schuester: [stands up] Santana.
- Santana Lopez: [to Finn] Everyone's gonna know now, because of you.
- Finn Hudson: The whole school already knows. And you know what? They don't care.
- Santana Lopez: Not just the school, you idiot. Everyone!
- Finn Hudson: What are you talking abo...
- [Santana slaps Finn and there's silence]
- Santana Lopez: [to Finn] Hey Tubs! Can I talk to you for a second?
- Rory Flanagan: Hey, listen here. You can't make fun of Finn anymore.
- Santana Lopez: [to Rory] Shut your potato hole, I'm here to apologize.
- [to Finn]
- Santana Lopez: Rachel's right, I haven't been fair to you. You're not fat. I should know, I slept with you. I mean, at some point I must have liked that you look like a taco addict who's had one too many back alley liposuctions.
- Rory Flanagan: Whoa.
- Santana Lopez: [to Rory] Please stick a sock in it or ship yourself back to Scotland. I'm trying to apologize to Lumps The Clown.
- [to Finn]
- Santana Lopez: I am sorry, Finn. I mean, really, I'm sorry that the New Directions are gonna get crushed by the Troubletones. And also sorry that you have no talent. Sorry that you sing like you're getting your prostate checked, and you dance like you've been asleep for years and someone just woke you up. Have fun riding on Rachel's coattails for the rest of your life, although, you know what, I would just watch out for her come holiday time if I were him, because if I were her, I'd stick a stent in one of those boobs and let the Finn blubber light the Hanukkah lamp for eight magical nights.