Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Let's Play Bart's Nightmare (2011)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : [Bart is wielding a smoker]  Now I have a fucking... smoke blower, which sounds really lame and stupid, but hey, it blows SMOKE! Your ass is GRASS, you fuck!

• Nostalgia Critic : Okay, he's entering the Twilight Zone, I guess. I don't know why. His homework's blowing out the window, and he has to go get it. How very... existential. So what, the answer's in his dreams? That's very strange.

• Nostalgia Critic : The flying fuck- oh hey, I won.

• Nostalgia Critic : Okay, so what do we have? We have, uh, Bart doing his homework. Okay, already, I know this is a work of fiction. You never see Bart doing his homework.

• Nostalgia Critic : [discussing a Let's Play]  This is where someone just hooks up their video game to their computer, does a quick run-through of it, and just tells them what they think. Now, that sounds much easier than just analyzing and putting an actual review together.

• [the game begins, showing Bart running across the screen] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Yeah, I'd be running from this game, too.

  [the title is shown] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Okay, look at those graphics. Aren't those incredible? It's just like watching the show. Actually, wow, okay, it's pretty good.

• Nostalgia Critic : That seems to be the theme of the game: you go along and you die.

• Nostalgia Critic : As we all know, anything with the Simpsons name has to be gold... that is except for the show right now.

• Nostalgia Critic : Okay, what's a plunger going to do against a bazooka-Oh, hey, I guess a lot.

• Nostalgia Critic : Bart's Nightmare, you are an anus!

  [screams] 

• Nostalgia Critic : Fuck this, man, I'm going back to movie reviews next week. This is bullshit! I'm never reviewing another game again!

• Nostalgia Critic : As you can imagine, just playing a video game is much easier than having to review a video game. This is gonna be a walk in the park. So, what video game am I gonna do today? Well, let's try "Bart's Nightmare."

• Nostalgia Critic : Alright. Mr. Smithers is angry because you tried to take Mr. Burns away, I guess, I don't know. Alright, d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d'oh.

• Nostalgia Critic : Okay, I'm just gonna fire these things like mad. I'm not gonna take any chances. I don't care what the hell... if... I-I don't care if my mother comes in. I'm gonna keep firing her fucking face. This is a nightmare. Everything's trying to kill me. It's a very Freudian nightmare. I wouldn't doubt if my mother's trying to kill me.

• Nostalgia Critic : Oh, no, that's... what's that supposed to mean to me? It's just numbers. You don't get anything if you... get a high score, so it's totally pointless. Why have a score? There's a score? I didn't know there was a score!

• Nostalgia Critic : And that was the, uh, Indiana Jones level. I hope you enjoyed it. Um, I really fucking hate it.

• Nostalgia Critic : Aw, shit! Why is that? Why is it every time I say, "Hey! I'm doing good!" something always has to kill me? Th-That's the rule of comedy. Comedy really fucking sucks.

• Nostalgia Critic : You know what? Fuck it. I don't care if it's a Let's Play. I'm gonna fast forward. I'm an editor. Watch!

  [NC fast forwards the game to Bart noticing a sheet of homework paper on the sidewalk] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Ha-Ha! Power to the fucking editor, huh? Okay.

• Nostalgia Critic : An "F"! An "F"! I-I tried harder that time! I fucking tried harder! You don't give me-shit, I'm skipping this piece of shit. C'mon! C'mon!