- Eli's Father: Dear Amish Lord: Thou lookest sternly down upon us-thine flock-even though we did not do anything wrong, and have been doing chores like $&@%? crazy. Please make us humble and deliver us more hardship-that we may get thick calloused hands, much larger than other peoples; and grant that we become dull, like Eric Bana-who we have never seen but are just going by reputation-because it is your will. We solemnly believe that although humans have been around for a million years, you feel strongly that they had just the right amount of technology between 1835 and 1850-not too little, not too much. Please deliver us from Thomas Edison, the worst human being who ever lived, and protect us from those who laugh at our buggies or our hats. And deliver us from mustaches. Amen.
- Eli's Father: I found this in his cornhole.
- Eli's Father: Please. Help yourself to anything in my cornhole.
- Eli: [listening to an iPhone] Who is she?
- Meg Griffin: It's Avril Lavigne.
- Eli: Why does she shout at me?
- Meg Griffin: Yeah, she does that.
- Peter Griffin: [the ride is based on "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"] Didn't that movie have like a tall guy in a hat?
- Quagmire: Yeah and there was a guy with a mask who wore a mask.
- Peter Griffin: Oh, and a guy with an umbrella. And I think he opened it at one point.
- Lois Griffin: And it wasn't overly long.
- Peter Griffin: No, not overly long.
- Peter Griffin: I notice you don't have a darn lick of music in this town.
- Ezekiel: We do not believe in such ostentations.
- Peter Griffin: Well, I am about to change your mind. Introducing: rock and roll.
- Stewie: Brian is this our vacation?
- Brian Griffin: Yeah
- Stewie: Oh. Are we trash?
- Brian Griffin: Kinda.
- Stewie: Oh.
- Eli's Father: Quilters... Advance!
- Eli's Father: Deliver us from Thomas Edison, the most evil man who ever lived...