The Cleveland Show (TV Series)

BFFs (2011)

Mike Henry: Cleveland Brown, Rallo Tubbs, Redneck #1

Quotes 

• Cleveland Brown : Where do you think I've been all week?

  Lester Krinkelsac : I don't know. Mustache camp?

  Cleveland Brown : That's in June. You know that.

• Cleveland Brown : [when Peter comes to rescue Cleveland and his friends]  Thanks, Peter. How did you know we were here?

  Peter Griffin : Well, I felt bad after you left Quahog, so I called your house. Your wife said you were doing a friendship thing in the woods and I immediately thought, "Well, this is going to end in hillbilly rape", so I tracked you down and here I am.

  Cleveland Brown : But I thought you didn't want to be my friend anymore.

  Peter Griffin : Well, as soon as you left, I started really intense psychotherapy with that gay guy in town who has like a thousand jobs.

  Cleveland Brown : They once said his name was Bruce.

  Peter Griffin : Right. So, apparently, I have abandonment issues stemming from my relationship with my father, blah, blah, blah, ticking time bomb, so I pushed you away before you could do it to me.

  Cleveland Brown : But I would never do that. We're BFFs.

  [he and Peter show each other their lip tattoos] 

  Peter Griffin : I'm sorry, Cleveland. You're my friend. You always have been. And I know deep down in my heart, I still love you.

  [Cleveland starts crying] 

• Peter Griffin : See, Cleveland, that's the difference between our two shows. On our show, we would have shown the rape and had a show tune about the rape.

  Cleveland Brown : And I would have just been the black guy.

• Rallo Tubbs : Blooba, gooba, chunka, flunka, Willy Wonka, chocolate bar!

• Cleveland Brown : Peter, why didn't you call me when you were in town last week?

  Peter Griffin : Yeah, uh, my phone died of AIDS.

  Cleveland Brown : AIDS is no longer a death sentence.

• Cleveland Brown : Goose! Lice! All birds have lice!

• Byron : [to Rallo when he's asked a question at the Quiz Bowl]  You don't know, do you?

  Rallo Tubbs : You're right! I don't know! But I'll tell you what I do know. I know how to change the tire on my Big Wheel, how to tip a host to get a table by the skee ball. I know y don't ask a man what he makes in allowance. I know never to buy property in Detroit. I can take a punch and I can throw a punch. I know never to bet on the Golden State Warriors 'cause they don't play no defense. And most important, I know how to treat a lady. Do you, Wally?

  Wally Farquhare : I know menstruating women cause fruits and vegetables to spoil.

  Rallo Tubbs : Damn, Wally. What's wrong with you?

• Donna Tubbs : Ooh, Rallo, looks like you're getting a bath.

  Rallo Tubbs : Thank God. I've asked you four times this week. I'm itchy, Mama.

• Donna Tubbs : Oh, Rallo would be great at Quiz Bowl. He's very gifted.

  Rallo Tubbs : Mama, check it out! This bean dip looks like diarrhea!

• Cleveland Brown : [to Peter]  But I thought we were friends.

  Peter Griffin : We were neighbors and drinking buddies. We weren't friends.

• Rallo Tubbs : [to Donna]  I don't want to spend my Saturday with a tutor. Why do I need to be in that stupid Quiz Bowl anyway?

  Donna Tubbs : Cause Mama never got her mama's approval and now she seeks it from every woman she meets.