- Grandma: Carlton, why aren't you at the strip club? You better get going before all the other perverts get the ringside seats.
- Officer Carl McMillan: I'm not going out tonight. I'm just going to watch a little TV and then go to bed.
- Grandma: Well, if you don't show up, how are them poor girls gonna pay their rent or buy their narcotics?
- Victoria Flynn: So, it turns out the lady mortician is a lesbian, but I'm apparently not her type.
- Joyce Flynn: How'd you find that out?
- Victoria Flynn: I asked her if she's a lesbian, and she said yes. Then I asked her if I was her type, and she said no.
- Officer Carl McMillan: Leave me alone, Grandma, just go to your bible study class.
- Grandma: I can get there a little bit late. We're studying Deuteronomy, and all them Shall nots put a damper on the drinking and trash talk.