- David Rossi: I can't imagine why not. We're only asking for fifty thousand bucks of taxpayer money so that FBI agents can play Texas Hold 'Em.
- Emily Prentiss: Hey, what about you?
- David Rossi: What about me what?
- Emily Prentiss: You could stake us the buy-in.
- Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, you're a best-selling author.
- David Rossi: No!
- Emily Prentiss: Why not?
- David Rossi: One, it's against regulations, and I'd like to hold onto this job for a little while longer.
- Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: It's a minor administrative violation.
- David Rossi: And two, I prefer to spend my money on actual things, like single-malt Scotch, a fine cigar, beautiful artwork.
- Emily Prentiss: Poker chips are things.
- Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe just think of it as, like, a new experience. I mean, at your age, how often does that happen?
- David Rossi: At my WHAT?
- Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Rossi, this may be our only chance to get this guy.
- David Rossi: All right, fine. I'm a decent poker player, but I can't promise that I can stay in the game long enough to...
- Emily Prentiss: You know what? I bet you're a great poker player, but what if we sent in Reid?
- Dr. Spencer Reid: I am banned from casinos in Las Vegas, Laughlin, and Pahrump because of my card-counting ability.
- David Rossi: Look, I know I'm not a genius like the boy wonder here, but poker is not blackjack. It's about bluffing, reading human nature, head games. It's not math.
- Dr. Spencer Reid: That's not entirely accurate. There actually is a mathematical equation for knowing when to raise and when to fold. If "P" represents the size of the pot at the time of play, then P x N - 1, with "N" representing the estimated number of players at the final round of betting...
- David Rossi: Okay, fine. I surrender. Just try not to lose all of my money?
- [last lines]
- Derek Morgan: Hi, Miss Thing. Enough is enough. It's time for you and me to have a little sit-down. What's going on with you? Half the time I call, I get your voicemail. When I do get you, I don't get even a little bit of sass coming my way. Now, what's the deal? Hello!
- Penelope Garcia: Okay. Look. I get it that men and women are different and Venus and Mars and all that stuff, but I do not understand how you...
- Derek Morgan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, pump your brakes. What is this about?
- Penelope Garcia: You were in my shower at 7:00 in the morning.
- Derek Morgan: Because I shower at 7:00 in the morning. Baby, you had a little too much to drink the other night. You called me to come over and keep you company.
- Penelope Garcia: I know. I remember that, but...
- Derek Morgan: Okay, what happened between us was popcorn, and a movie on TV, which you fell asleep in the middle of, by the way.
- Penelope Garcia: So, you slept on the...
- Derek Morgan: Couch.
- Penelope Garcia: Yes, you did. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you, God, for maintaining the integrity of my most beloved of friendships, and from now on, I promise only mostly the purest of mineral water will cross these lips.
- Kevin Lynch: [enters] Hey, plum sauce, are you coming?
- Penelope Garcia: Yes. I'll be right there.
- Kevin Lynch: Hey, Derek.
- Derek Morgan: Hey, what's up, man?
- Penelope Garcia: Since the fight, we have decided to have a standing date every Tuesday night.
- Derek Morgan: Good luck with that with this job. You got a great guy out there. You know that, right?
- Penelope Garcia: I know. What does a girl do when she has two great guys?
- Derek Morgan: She doesn't pour that extra glass of wine.
- Penelope Garcia: Yeah. Okay, love you, bye.
- Derek Morgan: Plum sauce?
- David Rossi: [voiceover] George Augustus Sala once said, "A gambler with a system must be, to a greater or lesser extent, insane"
- Penelope Garcia: [picks up a phone] If this is a sales call on a Sunday morning...
- Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Settle. It's me, JJ. I tried your cell. Listen, something's come up. You need to get down to the office pronto.
- Penelope Garcia: Oh, you are kidding.
- Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I know. I wish psychopathic killers would be a little more respectful of our weekends, too, but what are you gonna do? Is everything okay?
- Penelope Garcia: No. Kevin and I got in a fight last night, and to self-soothe, I drank a lot of wine, and, JJ, you know I can't drink wine. Why did I drink so much wine?
- Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You'll be fine.
- Penelope Garcia: No, I don't know. 'Cause right now, everything is blurring. Oh, my God. My hair hurts. How is that possible? He's coming out of the shower. I hate confrontation. It was such a fight. I hate confrontation.
- Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Then don't confront. Just kiss, make up, and get your butt over here.
- Penelope Garcia: [ding-dong] What is this, Grand Central Station?
- [knock, knock]
- Penelope Garcia: Oh, God.
- [opens the door to find...]
- Penelope Garcia: Kevin.
- Kevin Lynch: I am so sorry about last night. I should not have stormed out like that.
- Penelope Garcia: You stormed out?
- Kevin Lynch: Yeah.
- Penelope Garcia: You stormed out all last night?
- Kevin Lynch: Yeah. What's...
- [Garcia closes the door and sees Morgan]
- Derek Morgan: Hey. You see we gotta go in, right?
- Penelope Garcia: Yes. Yes. JJ just called me, too. Let's go. My things. This is mine and this is mine and this is yours. This is mine. See you there.
- [opens the door, to Kevin]
- Penelope Garcia: Hey, let's go.
- Player #1: I'm calling.
- Curtis Banks: I'll raise. Eight thousands.
- Dr. Spencer Reid: $8,000. That's 56 months' wages for the average person in Bangladesh. Kind of makes you think, doesn't it?
- Player #1: Hey, it's eight thou to you. Now, are you in or are you out?
- Dr. Spencer Reid: I am in. And I raise.
- Dealer: Three raise.
- Player #1: That's too rich for my blood.
- Dealer: Are you in, sir?
- Curtis Banks: I'll call.
- Dealer: Call.
- Dr. Spencer Reid: Straight.
- Player #1: A gutshot straight draw? Are you kidding, me? That is just... just nuts. That's crazy.
- Dr. Spencer Reid: [reaches his hand to Curtis's key holder] Do you mind if I take a look at this?
- Aaron Hotchner: So, we're looking for a gambler.
- Emily Prentiss: A gambler in Atlantic City! That narrows the field.
- Aaron Hotchner: [voiceover] A Chinese proverb says, "At the gambling table, there are no fathers and sons."
- Emily Prentiss: What about you, Rossi? What's your favorite mob movie?
- David Rossi: I've seen too much of it in my life.
- Dr. Spencer Reid: Two eights instead of one could also be significant. I know in China the number eight symbolizes prosperity. The more eights, the better. As a matter of fact, in Chungdu a telephone number consisting of all eights was recently sold for over a quarter million dollars
- Derek Morgan: It doesn't take much to ignite a Mob war.
- David Rossi: And collateral damage means nothing to these guys. If we don't get a handle on this soon, innocent people are gonna die.
- Penelope Garcia: And that's why we were able to get a match on his prints so fast.
- Derek Morgan: You've always been fast, baby girl.
- Penelope Garcia: [freezes] Eh, yeah. Got to go!
- [hangs up]
- Eddie Langdon: Hey, did you hear what happened last night? Danny Savino got his head bashed in. He's dead. Didn't you two... you two did some business together, right?
- Curtis Banks: Not anymore, I guess
- Curtis Banks: Hey, it's for you. It's yours. Keep it.
- Eddie Langdon: You serious?
- Curtis Banks: Uh-huh.
- Eddie Langdon: Yeah. Nice. You were part of my system and didn't even know it, huh?
- Curtis Banks: Well, you know what they say. The reverse side also has a reverse side.
- Eddie Langdon: Yeah, whatever the hell that means.
- Curtis Banks: It means you're part of my system, too, Eddie.
- Penelope Garcia: [Rushes in late] Sorry, sorry
- [meeting goes on]
- Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [whispers] How's the head?
- Penelope Garcia: [whispers back] Not all the aspirins in all the pharmacies...