- Alex Jensen: I'm Alex, Dr. Cooper's new assistant.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Nice to meet you, and may God have mercy on your soul.
- Penny: Maybe I can do it.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, really? You think you can evaluate my work?
- Penny: Uh-huh.
- Sheldon Cooper: Here. I wrote this when I was five.
- Penny: "A Proof That Algebraic Topology Can Never Have a Non-Self Contradictory Set of Abelian Groups." I'm just a blonde monkey to you, aren't I?
- Sheldon Cooper: You said it, not me.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [Shows Penny a picture of Sheldon in her phone] Look at this face. How can any woman spend eight hours a day alone with this face and not fall in love with it?
- Penny: Well, for starters, eventually that face starts talking.
- Alex Jensen: [after Raj can't talk to her] Is he alright?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No. But compared to your boss, he's the poster boy for sanity.
- Raj Koothrappali: So, did Alex say anything about me?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes. I believe her exact words were "What is that guy's problem?"
- Raj Koothrappali: I'm in her head. Let the dance begin.
- Alex Jensen: My father works for SETI.
- Leonard Hofstadter: SETI, the Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence. You should introduce him to Sheldon. The search is over.
- Sheldon Cooper: [about his toilet training journal] There's a chart in the back describing shape, color and consistency.
- Penny: Disgusting!
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, what's disgusting is that he's still keeping track.
- Alex Jensen: I'm Alex, Dr. Cooper's assistant. Can I help you?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'd like to speak to Sheldon.
- Alex Jensen: I'm sorry. He asked me to hold all calls unless you're Stephen Hawking, his mother, or himself from the future.
- Penny: This is an eyelash curler. You put it on your eyelashes and squeeze close.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I don't know. This looks like something used by Tinklebell's gynecologist.
- Penny: Well, I hope for her sake it's not Captain Hook.
- Alex Jensen: [meeting Penny] She seems nice.
- Sheldon Cooper: Notice people on your own time. We're working.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Meanwhile, the limbic system of your brain is calculating that if another woman is attracted to Leonard, it must be because he's desirable.
- Penny: Well, of course he's desirable. He's great. He's smart, he's sweet, and in the bedroom, wooo, let me tell you, he really tries.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: If this were a boxing match, they might call it the Thrilla adjacent to the Amygdala.
- [laughs]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: If you were a brain scientist, you'd be busting a gut right now.
- Sheldon Cooper: I believe Alex may have unearthed the grade school science project that could be my ticket to the Nobel Prize. Behold.
- Leonard Hofstadter: "Magnets: What Do They Stick To?" If the answer is metal, it's not exactly groundbreaking.
- Sheldon Cooper: The original title was, "A Rederivation of Maxwell's Equations Regarding Electromagnetism". I dumbed it down because some of the more religious people in town were starting to say I was a witch.