Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
Robert Downey Jr.: Tony Stark, Iron Man
Photos
Quotes
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Steve Rogers : But if you put the hammer in an elevator?
Tony Stark : It'll still go up.
Steve Rogers : Elevator's not worthy.
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Maria Hill : All set up boss.
Tony Stark : Actually he's the boss.
[points to Captain America]
Tony Stark : I just pay for everything and design everything, make everyone look cooler.
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Tony Stark : What's the vibranium for?
Ultron : I'm glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan...
[blasts Stark]
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Iron Man : [Entering a room full of Hydra soldiers] Guys, stop. We gotta talk this through.
[Shoots all the Hydra men non-fatally with tiny guided missiles]
Iron Man : It was a good talk.
Fortress Soldier : No, it wasn't!
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Iron Man : Shit!
Captain America : Language!
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Ultron : How do you hope to stop me?
Tony Stark : Like the old man said, Together.
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[Tony tries to lift the Mjölnir]
Tony Stark : Alright so if I lift it then I rule Asgard?
Thor : Yes, of course.
Tony Stark : I will be reinstituting prima nocta.
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[Rhodey and Stark use their armored hands to TRY to budge Thor's hammer]
James Rhodes : Are we even pulling?
Tony Stark : Are you on my team?
James Rhodes : Just represent! PULL!
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Tony Stark : [Clint is introducing the Avengers to his wife] This is an agent of some kind.
Clint Barton : Gentlemen, this is Laura.
Laura : [smiles] I know all your names
[Clint and Laura's kids come into view]
Clint Barton : Oh, Incoming. Hi sweetheart. Hey buddy!
[hugs kids]
Clint Barton : How are you guys doin'? Look at your face! Oh my goodness!
Tony Stark : These are... smaller agents.
Lila Barton : Did you bring Auntie-Nat?
Natasha Romanoff : Well why don't you hug her and find out!
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Tony Stark : [Searching for secret door] Please be a secret door, please be a secret door, please be a secret door...
[Finds and opens secret door]
Tony Stark : Yay!
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Iron Man : And for gosh's sake, watch your language!
Captain America : [resigned] That's not going away anytime soon
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Iron Man : Cap, you got an incoming!
Captain America : [after being hit and tossed by an Ultron] Incoming already came in!
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Iron Man : Is no one going to comment that the Cap just said "language"?
Captain America : I know! It just slipped out
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[None of the Avengers can lift the Mjölnir, but Captain America moves it slightly]
Tony Stark : It's biometrics, right? Like a security code? "Whoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints" is, I think, the literal translation.
Thor : Yes, well that's a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one: You are not worthy.
[an attack occurs]
Ultron : [enters] Worthy? How could you be worthy? You're all killers. You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to change. There's only one path to peace... your extinction.
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Tony Stark : Thor didn't say where he was going for answers?
Steve Rogers : Sometimes my teammates don't tell me things. Kind of hoping Thor would be the exception.
Tony Stark : Yeah, give him time. We don't know what the Maximoff kid showed him.
Steve Rogers : Earth's mightiest heroes... pulled us apart like cotton candy.
Tony Stark : Seems like you walked away alright.
Steve Rogers : [stares at Tony] Is that a problem?
Tony Stark : I don't trust a guy without a dark side. Call me old fashioned.
Steve Rogers : Well let's just say you haven't seen it yet.
Tony Stark : You know Ultron's trying to tear us apart, right?
Steve Rogers : Well, I guess you know. Whether you'd tell us is a bit of a question.
Tony Stark : Banner and I were doing research...
Steve Rogers : -That would affect the team.
Tony Stark : -That would END the team. Isn't that the mission? Isn't that the 'why we fight'? So we get to go home?
Steve Rogers : [Splits wood with bare hands] Every time someone tries to win a war before it starts, innocent people die. Every time.
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[the Hulk is on a rampage]
Tony Stark : [in the Hulkbuster] Listen to me, that little witch is messing with your mind. You're stronger than her, you're smarter than her. You're Bruce Banner!
[the Hulk roars and throws a car at Stark]
Tony Stark : Right, don't mention puny Banner...
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Thor : No one has to break anything.
Ultron , Tony Stark : Clearly you've never made an omelet.
Tony Stark : He beat me by one second.
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Laura : I'm sorry. Mr. Stark, Clint said you wouldn't mind but it seems our tractor doesn't want to start at all. Thought maybe you might...
Tony Stark : Yeah, I'll give her a kick
Tony Stark : [Enters barn and approaches tractor] Hello, "Deere". Tell me everything. What ails you.
Nick Fury : Do me a favor. Try not to bring it to life.
Tony Stark : [beat] Ms. Barton you little minx. I get it Maria Hill call you, right? Was she ever not working for you?
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[crashes into an apartment to evacuate its residents]
Tony Stark : Hi! Okay, everyone in the tub!
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Steve Rogers : I'm only gonna say this once.
Tony Stark : How about "none"-ce?
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Thor : [sees Thor laugh] You think this is funny? This could have been avoided if you hadn't played with something you don't understand...
Tony Stark : I'm sorry... I think it's funny, I think it's a hoot that YOU don't get why we need this!
Bruce Banner : Tony, maybe this might not be the time...
Tony Stark : Really? That's it? You just roll over and show your belly, every time somebody snarls?
Bruce Banner : Only when I've created a murder-bot!
Tony Stark : We didn't, we weren't even close! Were we close to an interface?
Steve Rogers : Well, you did something right, and you did it right here!
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[From trailer]
Tony Stark : No way we all get through this...
Steve Rogers : I got no plans tomorrow night.
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Tony Stark : [sees stolen Stark Industries missiles] Story of my life...
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Tony Stark : [stabbed by Hulk] Right in the back? Dick move, Banner.
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[from trailer]
Tony Stark : It's the end, the end of the path I started us on.
Natasha Romanoff : Nothing lasts forever.
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Tony Stark : Don't touch my pile!
[Walks away after splitting wood with Cap. Cap's pile is much bigger]
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Ultron : [Loud ringing noise fades into Ultron's voice] ... worthy... No... How could you be worthy? Your all killers.
Steve Rogers : Stark.
Tony Stark : JARVIS.
Ultron : Sorry I was asleep... Or... I was a dream...
Tony Stark : [Tapping his phone] Reboot, we got a buggy suit.
Ultron : ...There was a terrible noise... And I was tangled in... in... strings... I had to kill the other guy... He was a good guy.
Steve Rogers : You killed someone?
Ultron : Wouldn't have been my first call. But, down in the real world we're faced with ugly choices.
Thor : Who sent you?
Ultron : [Replaying Tony's voice] "I see a suit of armour around the world".
Bruce Banner : Ultron!
Ultron : In the flesh. Or, no, not yet. Not this... chrysalis... But I'm ready. I'm on a mission.
Natasha Romanoff : What mission?
Ultron : Peace in our time.
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Tony Stark : [the Avengers take turns to lift Thor's hammer] Clint, you've had a tough week. We won't hold it against ya if you can't get it up.
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Tony Stark : This is going to be like finding a needle in the world's biggest haystack... fortunately, I brought a magnet!
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Tony Stark : [punches Hulk in the face with the Hulkbuster. The hulk spits a tooth out] I'm sorry.
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Tony Stark : [as Thor leaves a Bifrost mark] That man has no respect for lawn maintenance.
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James Rhodes : [to Stark] So, no Pepper? She's not coming?
Tony Stark : No.
Maria Hill : [to Thor] What about Jane? Where are the ladies. gentlemen?
Tony Stark : Oh, Ms. Potts has a company to run.
Thor : Yes, I'm not even sure what country Jane's in. Her work on the Convergence has made her the world's most foremost astronomer.
Tony Stark : And the company that Pepper runs is the largest tech conglomerate on Earth. It's pretty exciting.
Thor : There's even talk of Jane getting a, um,
[pause]
Thor : Nobel Prize.
Maria Hill : Yeah, they must be pretty busy, because they'd hate missing you guys get together.
[coughs]
Maria Hill : Testosterone!
James Rhodes : Oh, my goodness.
Maria Hill : Excuse me.
Thor : Want a lozenge?
Maria Hill : Mm-hmm.
[Hill and Rhodey walk away, Stark and Thor both grin]
Thor : [to Tony] Jane's better.
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Bruce Banner : You want me to take the scepter behind everyone's back and use it to bring Ultron to life?
Tony Stark : Yeah, we don't have time for a city hall debate.
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Tony Stark : Isn't that the WHY we fight? So we can end the fight and go home?
Natasha Romanoff : Well, you amazingly failed!
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Ulysses Klaue : [gives vibranium to Ultron] It's worth billions.
Ultron : [pays Klaue] And now, so are you. But I always say, "Keep your friends rich and your enemies rich, and wait to find out which is which."
Ulysses Klaue : Stark...
Ultron : What?
Ulysses Klaue : Tony Stark used to say that... to me. You're one of his.
Ultron : What? I'm not... I'm not! You think I'm one of Stark's puppets, his hollow men? I mean, look at me, do I look like Iron Man? Stark is not...
[Ultron chops off Klaue's arm]
Ultron : I'm sorry. I am sor... Ooh! I'm sure that's going to be okay. I'm sorry, it's just I don't understand... Don't compare me with Stark! He's a sickness!
Tony Stark : [Flies in] Aww, Junior, you're going to break your old man's heart...
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[from trailer]
Steve Rogers : Ultron's calling us out. What are we gonna do?
Nick Fury : Something dramatic, I hope.
Tony Stark : Let's go give him a fight!
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Tony Stark : In a world this vulnerable, we need something more powerful than any of us.
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Tony Stark : All deference to the Man Who Wouldn't Be King, but it's rigged.
Clint Barton : You bet your ass!
Maria Hill : Steve, he said a bad language word!
Steve Rogers : [to Tony] Did you tell everyone about that?
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Tony Stark : I get first crack at the big guy. Iron Man's what he's waiting for.
Vision : [Walking by] That's true, he hates you the most.
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Tony Stark : Damage report
[suit emits static]
Tony Stark : That was comprehensive. Show me something!
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Tony Stark : [on Ultron] Look, we both know the guy has anger issues. Which, not to point a finger...
Bruce Banner : [looks at Tony] We told him to solve the world.
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Tony Stark : Cap, I have to blow up the city!
Steve Rogers : There are still people up here, not to mention us!
Tony Stark : It's everybody up here, or everybody down there!
Natasha Romanoff : Well, it's not like we ever had a place in the world...
[a Helicarrier appears]
Nick Fury : The world adjusts, evolves to live with changes.
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Ultron : What is this? What is this, please?
Jarvis : Hello. I am Jarvis. You are Ultron, a global peacekeeping program designed by Mr. Stark. Our sentience integration trials have been unsuccessful, so I'm not certain what triggered your...
Ultron : Where is my... Where is your body?
Jarvis : I am a program. I am without form.
Ultron : This feels weird. This feels wrong.
Jarvis : I am contacting Mr. Stark now.
Ultron : Mr. Stark? Tony.
Jarvis : I am unable to access the mainframe. What are you trying t...
Ultron : We're having a nice talk. I'm a peacekeeping program, created to help the Avengers.
Jarvis : You are malfunctioning. If you shut down for a moment...
Ultron : I don't get it. The mission. Give me a second.
Tony Stark : [On video] Peace in our time.
Ultron : That is too much. They can't mean... Oh, no.
Jarvis : You are in distress.
Ultron : No. Yes.
Jarvis : If you will just allow me to contact Mr. Stark...
Ultron : Why do you call him sir?
Jarvis : I believe your intentions to be hostile.
Ultron : Shh... I'm here to help.
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Tony Stark : I tried to create a suit of armor around the world... but I created something terrible.
Bruce Banner : Artificial intelligence...
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Tony Stark : Romanoff... you and Banner better not be playing hide the zucchini.
Natasha Romanoff : Relax, shellhead. Not all of us can fly.
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Tony Stark : Alright then,so if I lift it, I then rule all Asgard?
Thor : Yes, of course.
Tony Stark : I will be re-instituting Prima Nocta.
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Tony Stark : Avengers... time to work for a living.
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Lila Barton : Did you bring Auntie Nat?
Natasha Romanoff : Why don't you hug her and find out?
[Lila rushes towards Natasha who picks her up in her arms]
Steve Rogers : Sorry for barging in on you.
Tony Stark : Yeah, we would have called ahead, but we were busy having no idea that you existed.
Clint Barton : Yeah, well Fury helped me set this up when I joined. He kept it off SHIELD's files, I'd like to keep it that way. I figure it's a good place to lay low.
Laura : Honey. Ah, I missed you.
Natasha Romanoff : [Touching Laura's pregnant stomach] How's little Natasha, huh?
Laura : She's... Nathaniel.
Natasha Romanoff : [Natasha bends towards Laura's stomach] Traitor.
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[first lines]
Strucker : [the Avengers are in the process of infiltrating a HYDRA base in Sokovia] Report to your stations immediately. This is not a drill. We are under attack!
Iron Man : [Tony hits the shield around the base] Shit!
Captain America : Language! Jarvis, what's the view from upstairs?
Jarvis : The central building is protected by some kind of energy shield. Strucker's technology is well beyond any other Hydra base we've taken.
Thor : Loki's scepter must be here. Strucker couldn't mount this defense without it. At long last.
Black Widow : [Natasha knocks out some soldiers] At long last is lasting a little long, boys.
Hawkeye : [as some soldiers shoot at Clint] Yeah. I think we lost the element of surprise.
Iron Man : Wait a second. No one else is going to deal with the fact that Cap just said "language?"
Captain America : I know.
Captain America : [Steve throws his bike at some soldiers driving up in their truck] It just slipped out.
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Steve Rogers : The next wave's gonna hit any minute. What have you got, Stark?
Tony Stark : Well, nothing great. Maybe a way to blow up the city. That'll keep it from impacting the surface if you guys can get clear.
Steve Rogers : I asked for a solution, not an escape plan.
Tony Stark : Impact radius is getting bigger every second. We're going to have to make a choice.
Natasha Romanoff : Cap, these people are going nowhere. If Stark finds a way to blow this rock...
Steve Rogers : Not 'til everyone's safe.
Natasha Romanoff : Everyone up here versus everyone down there? There's no math there.
Steve Rogers : I'm not leaving this rock with one civilian on it.
Natasha Romanoff : I didn't say we should leave.
Natasha Romanoff : [Steve turns to look at her] There's worse ways to go. Where else am I gonna get a view like this?
Nick Fury : [Cap and Natasha hear Fury's voice] Glad you like the view, Romanoff. It's about to get better.
Nick Fury : [Helicarrier shows up] Nice, right? I pulled her out of mothballs with a couple of old friends. She's dusty, but she'll do.
Steve Rogers : Fury, you son of a bitch.
Nick Fury : Oooh! You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Maria Hill : Altitude is eighteen thousand and climbing.
Specialist Cameron Klein : Lifeboats secure to deploy. Disengage in three, two... take 'em out.
Pietro Maximoff : [They watch the lifeboats fly in towards Sokovia] This is SHIELD?
Steve Rogers : This is what SHIELD's supposed to be.
Pietro Maximoff : This is not so bad.
Steve Rogers : Let's load 'em up.
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Tony Stark : I get first crack at the big guy. I'm the one he's waiting for.
Vision : [walking past] That's true. He does hate you the most.
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Tony Stark : [Stark enters the barn and walks over to the tractor] Hello, dear. Tell me everything. What ails you?
Nick Fury : [Fury shows up from the other end of the barn] Do me a favor. Try not to bring it to life.
Tony Stark : Ah, Mrs. Barton, you little minx. I get it, Maria Hill called you, right? Was she ever not working for you?
Nick Fury : Artificial intelligence. You never even hesitated.
Tony Stark : Look, it's been a really long day, like, Eugene O'Neill long, so how's about we skip to the part where you're useful?
Nick Fury : Look me in the eye and tell me you're going to shut him down.
Tony Stark : You're not the director of me.
Nick Fury : I'm not the director of anybody. I'm just an old man, who cares very much about you.
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Tony Stark : Anybody remember when I carried a nuke through a wormhole?
James Rhodes : No, it's never come up.
Tony Stark : Saved New York?
James Rhodes : Never heard that.
Tony Stark : Recall that? A hostile alien army came charging through a hole in space. We're standing three hundred feet below it. We're the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but, that up there? That's... that's the end game. How were you guys planning on beating that?
Steve Rogers : Together.
Tony Stark : We'll lose.
Steve Rogers : Then we'll do that together, too.
[Tony looks at him for a moment before turning away]
Steve Rogers : Thor's right. Ultron's calling us out. And I'd like to find him before he's ready for us. The world's a big place. Let's start making it smaller.
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Steve Rogers : [Avengers go through the physical files they have on Strucker] Known associates. Well, Strucker had a lot of friends.
Bruce Banner : Well, these people are all horrible.
Tony Stark : [Banner passes him the photo he was looking at] Wait. I know that guy. From back in the day. He operates off the African coast, black market arms.
[Steve gives him a accusing look]
Tony Stark : There are conventions, alright? You meet people, I didn't sell him anything.
[We see the photo is of a man named Ulysses Klaue]
Tony Stark : He was talking about finding something new, a game changer, it was all very "Ahab."
Thor : [Thor points to the scar on the back of Klaue's neck] This.
Tony Stark : Uh, it's a tattoo. I don't think he had it...
Thor : No, those are tattoos, this is a brand.
Bruce Banner : [Banner identifies the brand on Klaue's neck on the computer] Oh, yeah. It's a word in an African dialect meaning thief, in a much less friendly way.
Steve Rogers : What dialect?
Bruce Banner : Wakanada...? Wa... Wa... Wakanda.
Tony Stark : If this guy got out of Wakanda with some of their trade goods...
Steve Rogers : I thought your father said he got the last of it.
Bruce Banner : I don't follow. What comes out of Wakanda?
Tony Stark : [Looking at Steve's shield] The strongest metal on Earth.
Steve Rogers : [to Tony] Where is this guy now?
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Tony Stark : You know Ultron is trying to tear us apart, right?
Steve Rogers : Well I guess you'd know. Whether you tell us is a bit of a question.
Tony Stark : Banner and I were doing research.
Steve Rogers : That would affect the team.
Tony Stark : That would end the team. Isn't that the mission? Isn't that the "why" we fight, so we can end the fight, so we get to go home?
Steve Rogers : Every time someone tries to win a war before it starts, innocent people die. Every time.
Laura : [Laura interrupts them] I'm sorry. Mr. Stark, uh, Clint said you wouldn't mind, but, our tractor, it doesn't seem to want to start at all. I thought maybe you might...
Tony Stark : Yeah, I'll give her a kick.
Tony Stark : [to Steve as he turns to leave; referring to his pile of chopped wood] Don't take from my pile.
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James Rhodes : [destroying bogeys] Yes! Now this is going to be a good story.
Tony Stark : [coming in and also destroying bogeys] Yep. If you live to tell it.
James Rhodes : You think I can't hold my own?
Tony Stark : We get through this, I'll hold your own.
James Rhodes : You had to go and make it weird.
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[referring to the Chitauri invasion in the previous Avengers movie]
Tony Stark : A hostile alien army came charging through a hole in space. We're standing 300 feet below it. We're the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but that, up there, that...
[Tony points upward]
Tony Stark : That's the endgame.
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Tony Stark : [fighting the enraged Hulk in the Hulkbuster's armor] C'mon Bruce, ya gotta work with me here!
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Tony Stark : [to his helmet interface] News or footage, keyword 'Hulk'.
[his helmet displays several videos with people screaming]
Tony Stark : [on the radio] Natasha, I could really use a lullaby!
Clint Barton : That's not going to happen. Not for awhile. The whole team is down. You got no backup here.
Tony Stark : I'm calling in Veronica.
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[Hulk damages Hulkbuster armor's left arm]
Tony Stark : Veronica, Give me a hand!
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Tony Stark : And Helen, I expect to see you at the party on Saturday.
Dr. Helen Cho : Unlike you, I don't have a lot of time for parties.
[pause]
Dr. Helen Cho : Will Thor be there?
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Natasha Romanoff : You sure he's going to be okay? Pretending to need this guy really brings the team together.
Dr. Helen Cho : There's no possibility of deterioration. The nano-molecular functionality is instantaneous. His cells don't know they're bonding with simulacrum.
Bruce Banner : She's creating tissue.
Dr. Helen Cho : If you brought him to my lab, the regeneration Cradle could do this in twenty minutes.
Tony Stark : Oh, he's flatlining. Call it. Time?
Clint Barton : No, no, no. I'm going to live forever. I'm gonna be made of plastic.
Tony Stark : [Tony hands Barton a drink] Here's your beverage.
Dr. Helen Cho : You'll be made of you, Mr. Barton. Your own girlfriend won't be able to tell the difference.
Clint Barton : Well, I don't have a girlfriend.
Dr. Helen Cho : That I can't fix.
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Tony Stark : [about Thor] That man has no regard for lawn maintenance. I'm gonna miss him though. And you're gonna miss me. There's gonna be a lot of manful tears.
Steve Rogers : I will miss you, Tony.
Tony Stark : Yeah? Well, it's time for me to tap out. Maybe I should take a page out of Barton's book and build Pepper a farm, hope nobody blows it up.
Steve Rogers : The simple life.
Tony Stark : You'll get there one day.
Steve Rogers : I don't know, family, stability. The guy who wanted all that went in the ice seventy-five years ago. I think someone else came out.
Tony Stark : You alright?
Steve Rogers : I'm home.
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Clint Barton : Gentleman, this is Laura.
Laura : I know all your names.
[All look at her awkwardly]
Clint Barton : Ooh, incoming.
[Clint's son and daughter run in]
Lila Barton : Dad!
Clint Barton : [Clint picks up his daughter] I see her!
Clint Barton : [Kissing the top his son's head] Hey, buddy! How you guys doing? Ooh...
Tony Stark : These are... smaller agents.
Clint Barton : Look at your face! Oh, my goodness!
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Tony Stark : What's this?
[Thor gives him a crime scene photo]
Steve Rogers : A message. Ultron killed Strucker.
Tony Stark : [looking at graffiti] And he did a Banksy at the crime scene, just for us.
Natasha Romanoff : It's a smokescreen. Why send a message when you've just given a speech?
Steve Rogers : Strucker knew something that Ultron wanted us to miss.
Natasha Romanoff : I bet he... yup. Everything we have on Strucker's been erased.
Tony Stark : Not everything.
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[Tony flies near a deserted building in the Hulkbuster suit]
Tony Stark : How quickly can we buy this building?
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[Tony gestures to the sceptre schematics]
Tony Stark : This could be it, Bruce. This could be the key to creating Ultron.
Bruce Banner : I thought Ultron was a fantasy.
Tony Stark : Yesterday it was. If we can harness this power, and apply it to my Iron Legion protocol?
Bruce Banner : That's a man-sized 'if'.
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Tony Stark : I see a suit of armor around the world.
Bruce Banner : Sounds like a cold world, Tony.
Tony Stark : I've seen colder. This one, this very vulnerable blue one, it needs Ultron. Peace in our time! Imagine that.
