Modern Family (TV Series)

Bringing Up Baby (2012)

Chazz Palminteri: Shorty

Photos 

Quotes 

• Phil Dunphy : Once again, I'd like to apologize for punching you in the head. It really was the only way to save you since you were bound and... hooded. Which leads me to my second apology.

  Shorty : Gentlemen, come on. As my uncle used to say, let's not let a botched kidnapping ruin our whole afternoon.

  Miles : He's right. The whole point of this is for you to enjoy the lake with your three best friends.

  Jay Pritchett : Stan coming?

• Jay Pritchett : [after falling into a lake off a pier]  Son of a bitch! Somebody help me!

  Shorty : I would, but-but these pants are cashmere!

• Phil Dunphy : Jay has been very explicit about what he wants to do for his 65th birthday, but Phil Dunphy reads between the lines.

  Jay Pritchett : [Being kidnapped]  What the hell is going on? What are you doing?

  Phil Dunphy : Making your birthday dreams come true.

  Shorty : [Zip-tying his wrists]  It's your special day, buddy. Should we put him in the trunk?

  Phil Dunphy : Why would we put him in the trunk?

  Shorty : You said there were no bad ideas.

  Jay Pritchett : Get this stupid thing off me!

  Phil Dunphy : I thought you said the hood would calm him down.

  Miles : It works with my falcon.

  Shorty : Don't worry, Gloria. We'll have him back in time for dinner.

  Manny Delgado : Which for him is at 4:00 in the afternoon.

  Phil Dunphy : [laughing]  'Cause he's old! I love it!

• Shorty : Hey, Phil, you ever think about growing a beard? I mean, you got the face for it.

  Phil Dunphy : You think?

  Shorty : Yeah.

  Phil Dunphy : That's funny. I always thought so, but my wife doesn't.

  Shorty : Oh, what does she know? Come on, you got a great nose, those deep-set eyes. I mean, you would look good.

  Phil Dunphy : Thanks, Shorty.

  Shorty : It's, uh, sort of a Jon Hamm in between projects.

  Jay Pritchett : Okay, put me back in the trunk.

• Jay Pritchett : You know what? It is kinda nice being out here with all of ya. Hey, let's do some fishing. I'm starting to feel better now that I'm finally getting dry.

  Phil Dunphy : [starting the boat engine]  Let's do this!

  Shorty : Let's go!

  [as Phil drives away, Jay falls off the back of the boat] 

• Miles : So... 65, huh? You're heading into the best years of your life.

  Shorty : That's right. You put in the work. You climbed the mountain. Now it's time to reap the rewards.

  Jay Pritchett : I guess you're right.

  Phil Dunphy : Sounds pretty good to me.

  Shorty : You know, the more I look at you, the angrier I get that you don't got a beard.

  Phil Dunphy : I had a soul patch once.

  Shorty : A soul patch? That's like a beard's crap.

  Miles : I golfed six times last week. Found 42 balls; a new record. I don't think my falcon could have found that many, and he can spot a mouse at 600 yards.

  Shorty : What does that have to do with beards?

  Miles : I thought we were talking about Jay turning 65 and how good that's gonna be.

  Shorty : That's right. It's gonna be great, Jay. I'm tellin' ya. I got a vegetable garden. Two years ago, it was a patch of dirt in my backyard. Now I got tomatoes, I got five kinds of beans, I got squash. And between you and me, I'm even thinking about pickling my own cucumbers.

  Jay Pritchett : Why would that be between you and me?

  Shorty : Because there's a finite number of pickles. But don't worry. All you guys are on the list.