Modern Family (TV Series)

Bringing Up Baby (2012)

Ty Burrell: Phil Dunphy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Phil Dunphy : We're back! Birthday boy's here.

  Manny Delgado : Hey, Jay, you're all wrinkled.

  Jay Pritchett : Yeah, yeah, I'm old. I get it.

  Manny Delgado : No, I mean your clothes.

  Jay Pritchett : Yeah, when I was your age, I was wearing animal skins. Bam! You got me.

  Manny Delgado : I think bam! You got yourself. I'm just expressing concern.

  Jay Pritchett : Let me guess - about my bone density. You know, you're a real smart-ass.

  Manny Delgado : [to himself]  At this rate, I'll be living in the basement.

• Phil Dunphy : Once again, I'd like to apologize for punching you in the head. It really was the only way to save you since you were bound and... hooded. Which leads me to my second apology.

  Shorty : Gentlemen, come on. As my uncle used to say, let's not let a botched kidnapping ruin our whole afternoon.

  Miles : He's right. The whole point of this is for you to enjoy the lake with your three best friends.

  Jay Pritchett : Stan coming?

• Phil Dunphy : Jay has been very explicit about what he wants to do for his 65th birthday, but Phil Dunphy reads between the lines.

  Jay Pritchett : [Being kidnapped]  What the hell is going on? What are you doing?

  Phil Dunphy : Making your birthday dreams come true.

  Shorty : [Zip-tying his wrists]  It's your special day, buddy. Should we put him in the trunk?

  Phil Dunphy : Why would we put him in the trunk?

  Shorty : You said there were no bad ideas.

  Jay Pritchett : Get this stupid thing off me!

  Phil Dunphy : I thought you said the hood would calm him down.

  Miles : It works with my falcon.

  Shorty : Don't worry, Gloria. We'll have him back in time for dinner.

  Manny Delgado : Which for him is at 4:00 in the afternoon.

  Phil Dunphy : [laughing]  'Cause he's old! I love it!

• Shorty : Hey, Phil, you ever think about growing a beard? I mean, you got the face for it.

  Phil Dunphy : You think?

  Shorty : Yeah.

  Phil Dunphy : That's funny. I always thought so, but my wife doesn't.

  Shorty : Oh, what does she know? Come on, you got a great nose, those deep-set eyes. I mean, you would look good.

  Phil Dunphy : Thanks, Shorty.

  Shorty : It's, uh, sort of a Jon Hamm in between projects.

  Jay Pritchett : Okay, put me back in the trunk.

• Jay Pritchett : [Gloria has finally told him she's pregnant]  You gotta be kidding me!

  Luke Dunphy : Oh, gross. I didn't know Grandpa could still do it.

  Phil Dunphy : Don't be disrespectful, Luke. Anyone could do it with Gloria.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : And if you're too set on your old ways to be happy about it, I can raise it on my own! I have done it before, and I can do it now! I come from a very long line of strong Latin woman whose husbands are nowhere to be found!

  Jay Pritchett : Are you done?

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Yes!

  Jay Pritchett : Can I say something?

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Go on!

  Jay Pritchett : That's the greatest news I've ever heard.

  Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : It is?

  Jay Pritchett : I spent the day hearing what my future had in store for me, and I didn't like one bit of it. It felt like my life was ending. And now you're telling me that I get to have a new start... with the woman of my dreams. I think I'm gonna cry.

  Luke Dunphy : [Teary-eyed]  I'm way ahead of you.

  Cameron Tucker : [!uietly to Mitchell]  Can you believe this?

  Mitchell Pritchett : I know. They wouldn't even let us get a cat.

• Jay Pritchett : You know what? It is kinda nice being out here with all of ya. Hey, let's do some fishing. I'm starting to feel better now that I'm finally getting dry.

  Phil Dunphy : [starting the boat engine]  Let's do this!

  Shorty : Let's go!

  [as Phil drives away, Jay falls off the back of the boat] 

• Phil Dunphy : [about pregnant Gloria]  She looks great, doesn't she?

  Claire Dunphy : Yeah. Not really gaining weight the way I would've expected.

  Phil Dunphy : I finally understand why people say pregnant women glow.

  Claire Dunphy : Phil, I've had three children.

• Haley Dunphy : [With a fake pregnant belly]  This feels so weird.

  Dylan Marshall : It suits you.

  Claire Dunphy : [Takes a soccer ball out from under her shirt]  Don't even joke about it. That's it. He is moving out of the house tomorrow.

  Phil Dunphy : Really?

  Claire Dunphy : Mm-hmm. Oh, and that beard is going.

  Phil Dunphy : Fine. But it's gonna kill Shorty.

• Miles : So... 65, huh? You're heading into the best years of your life.

  Shorty : That's right. You put in the work. You climbed the mountain. Now it's time to reap the rewards.

  Jay Pritchett : I guess you're right.

  Phil Dunphy : Sounds pretty good to me.

  Shorty : You know, the more I look at you, the angrier I get that you don't got a beard.

  Phil Dunphy : I had a soul patch once.

  Shorty : A soul patch? That's like a beard's crap.

  Miles : I golfed six times last week. Found 42 balls; a new record. I don't think my falcon could have found that many, and he can spot a mouse at 600 yards.

  Shorty : What does that have to do with beards?

  Miles : I thought we were talking about Jay turning 65 and how good that's gonna be.

  Shorty : That's right. It's gonna be great, Jay. I'm tellin' ya. I got a vegetable garden. Two years ago, it was a patch of dirt in my backyard. Now I got tomatoes, I got five kinds of beans, I got squash. And between you and me, I'm even thinking about pickling my own cucumbers.

  Jay Pritchett : Why would that be between you and me?

  Shorty : Because there's a finite number of pickles. But don't worry. All you guys are on the list.

• Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Okay, everybody, let's gather together. Manny's gonna read us a little something that he prepare in his poetry camp.

  Manny Delgado : Thank you, Mom. This is for my new baby brother or sister.

  [Opens his notebook] 

  Manny Delgado : 'Welcome, little one. Open your eyes and take your place. This is where you're meant to be, nestled in the bosom of your mother.'

  Phil Dunphy : Lucky baby.

  Claire Dunphy : What?

  Phil Dunphy : Love you, baby.

  Manny Delgado : 'This is where you're meant to be, in the arms of your father. His long, long journey has readied him for this day, though his skin my be loose, his hair but a wisp, and his eyes milky with age, you' ...

  Jay Pritchett : All right, we're done here.