- Piper Chapman: [about her ring] What are you doing? You can't put that in your pocket, it's going to end up in the bottom of the washing machine.
- Larry Bloom: Okay, um, where would you like me to put it then?
- Piper Chapman: Up your ass.
- Larry Bloom: There's no room, apparently my head's already up there.
- Piper Chapman: Ooh no, what is that?
- Larry Bloom: Piper...
- Piper Chapman: Oh Jesus, Larry, why would you...
- Larry Bloom: Why would I want a felonious, former lesbian, WASP, Shiksa, about to go to prison, to marry me?
- Piper Chapman: Yes. And all of the stress eating...
- Larry Bloom: Well, because the peculiar, under achieving, under employed, Jew-boy, loves her. And knows that he will never be bored, and can't believe how lucky he is that he met her.
- Yoga Jones: Don't eat the pudding.
- Piper Chapman: What's the perspective on the pudding?
- Yoga Jones: It comes in cans marked Desert Storm. They have to scrape the mold off the top before they serve it.
- Yoga Jones: Do you know what a mandala is?
- Piper Chapman: Um, those are those round Buddhist art things.
- Yoga Jones: The Tibetan monks make then out of dark sand laid out into big beautiful designs. And when they're done, after days or weeks of work, they wipe it all away.
- Piper Chapman: Wow, that's, that's a lot.
- Yoga Jones: Try to look at your experience here as a mandala, Chapman. Work hard to make something as meaningful and beautiful as you can. And when your done, pack it in and know it was all temporary.
- [first lines]
- Piper Chapman: [scenes of growing up] I've always loved getting clean. I love baths. I love showers. It's my happy place.
- Piper Chapman: [suddenly in prison] *Was* my happy place.
- Lorna Morello: [to new inmate having just been slapped by an older inmate] A friend of yours?
- Dayanara Diaz: No... it's my mom.
- Piper Chapman: One of my roommates has a massive heart attack when she got here.
- Larry Bloom: OK - you are not allowed to have a heart attack.
- Larry Bloom: You love adventure, right? And that's what got you in there. This is all just a big adventure with liver, and yoga Jones and racism.