"Kaptara" was a labor of love for someone, but it's not a labor of love to watch. The glowing reviews for this sub-par animated tale of Theseus and the Minotaur must have been written by the director's family and friends, because they're describing something I didn't see at all.
The video game "God of War" had much better animation and that came out years ago. Much of the activity in "Kaptara" seems to have been a strange marriage between that old video game and Ray Harryhausen's 1958 epic "7th Voyage of Sinbad". Despite this shaky pedigree, the storyline has been altered to include Atlantis, which is not in the original myth. Nothing weighs anything on Kaptara. People glide over the surfaces they're supposed to be walking on. Ships float over the water. The Minotaur stamps it's hooves, but they never connect to whatever this sexless beast is standing on. Yes, the Minotaur has no junk, just a small hair curtain that appears and reappears at will. All the ladies have to worry about is getting their arms ripped off. Still, an incredibly weird love story is introduced between the bull-man and the incipient queen Ariadne. She can't drop a rock on this monster's head when she gets the chance because it gave her pomegranates and someone's liver. At one point, the Minotaur knocks off part of one of it's horns, yet the next shot shows both still in place.
Ariadne has very successful Frankenboobs, which each weigh about ten pounds apiece (the only things that seem to have any weight at all in Kaptara); they never move. Ever. Even when running, her teensy bandage top never fails to stay in place. These ancient wonders must be stuffed with cement. The men in this gyros sandwich have all been modeled after Tom of Finland's gay hero Kake, with gigantic pecs and some nicely rendered nipples.
Some steampunk stuff is thrown into the mix with gears and levers and falling hardware as the island starts to sink. Boulders fall slowly, looking like props from a high school play.The destruction of Kaptara looks suspiciously like the sinking of Atlantis from George Pal's 1961 epic "Atlantis, the Lost Continent". Again, nothing weighs anything so all the running and screaming seems a bit useless.
This is a hard watch. It seems to go on way too long, but the steadfast will stick it out just to see if Ariadne has a nip slip. Spoiler: she doesn't. She does have what appears to be a French manicure which is an anachronism, but hey, nothing else makes much sense here either. For insomniacs only.
The video game "God of War" had much better animation and that came out years ago. Much of the activity in "Kaptara" seems to have been a strange marriage between that old video game and Ray Harryhausen's 1958 epic "7th Voyage of Sinbad". Despite this shaky pedigree, the storyline has been altered to include Atlantis, which is not in the original myth. Nothing weighs anything on Kaptara. People glide over the surfaces they're supposed to be walking on. Ships float over the water. The Minotaur stamps it's hooves, but they never connect to whatever this sexless beast is standing on. Yes, the Minotaur has no junk, just a small hair curtain that appears and reappears at will. All the ladies have to worry about is getting their arms ripped off. Still, an incredibly weird love story is introduced between the bull-man and the incipient queen Ariadne. She can't drop a rock on this monster's head when she gets the chance because it gave her pomegranates and someone's liver. At one point, the Minotaur knocks off part of one of it's horns, yet the next shot shows both still in place.
Ariadne has very successful Frankenboobs, which each weigh about ten pounds apiece (the only things that seem to have any weight at all in Kaptara); they never move. Ever. Even when running, her teensy bandage top never fails to stay in place. These ancient wonders must be stuffed with cement. The men in this gyros sandwich have all been modeled after Tom of Finland's gay hero Kake, with gigantic pecs and some nicely rendered nipples.
Some steampunk stuff is thrown into the mix with gears and levers and falling hardware as the island starts to sink. Boulders fall slowly, looking like props from a high school play.The destruction of Kaptara looks suspiciously like the sinking of Atlantis from George Pal's 1961 epic "Atlantis, the Lost Continent". Again, nothing weighs anything so all the running and screaming seems a bit useless.
This is a hard watch. It seems to go on way too long, but the steadfast will stick it out just to see if Ariadne has a nip slip. Spoiler: she doesn't. She does have what appears to be a French manicure which is an anachronism, but hey, nothing else makes much sense here either. For insomniacs only.
