Two-Bit Waltz (2014)

Clara Mamet: Maude

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  The Therapist : And why is it that you're here?

  Maude : I saw a sign today that said, "Randy's donuts, tastiest donuts you've ever endured."

  The Therapist : And why is it that you're here?

  Maude : I want to die.

  The Therapist : Recently, how have you been occupying your time?

  Maude : I haven't been.

• Teacher : What do you mean, "you didn't take anything away from The Diary of Ann Frank?"

  Maude : What, like she's not making it all up?

• Max : I never got to properly... well, thank you for having sex with me all this time.

  Maude : Sir, it was a pleasure.

  Max : It meant a lot having sex with you.

  Maude : That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

• Maude : Everyone's problems are interesting themselves, just not so much to other people. That's why all therapists want to kill themselves.

  The Therapist : I don't seem to be there yet.

  Maude : In time you will learn.

• Anita : Just tell him what you intend.

  Maude : I don't intend anything. I looked at all the brochures, I don't like anything.

  Anita : But that's ridiculous darling. You have hobbies. Just tell him your hobbies, for Christ sake.

  Maude : Death.

  Anita : She's kidding. Darling, what are you interests.

  Maude : Suicide.

  Anita : Since when?

  Maude : Don't know. Just now I guess.

• Maude : [sitting on the street drinking]  Oh Lord who art in heaven, Lord be thine name. Thy kingdom come, thy weary dumb, um... Where is my house?

• Anita : You're very talented, you know. I always knew it. And very determined. So unlike your father and me. And do you know I think that you're the strangest one in our family.

  Maude : I'm sorry.

  Anita : You don't have to be sorry.

  Maude : No, I am mom. I think I made the very ordinary decision of being an ungrateful teenager.

  Anita : Well, we've all done it, darling. And I was being a little bit of a C-word, at any rate.

  Maude : I was, too.

  Anita : Yes you were, too. And so were you.

• Maude : I had self respect once, but I put it in the ironing cupboard and it never seemed to turn up again.

• Bernie : Love you, sis.

  Maude : Love you too, other sis.

• Maude : Unpleasant circumstances are often the orb from which the idea may brew.

  The Therapist : I think you're thinking of a crock pot.

• [last lines] 

  The Baby Elephant : You've done it.

  Maude : I've done it.

  The Baby Elephant : Well done.

  Maude : Thank you.

  The Baby Elephant : You're going to be the best writer.

  Maude : I know.

  The Baby Elephant : I know. Shall I lead the way.

  Maude : Please do...