- Bart Simpson: When did everything turn to crap?
- Marge Simpson: Bart! I don't want that kind of language in this house.
- [Pours bag of "Fun size" candy canes into a bowl; picks one up and regards its tiny size]
- Marge Simpson: [Thinking] Man, when did everything turn to crap?
- Moe Syzlak: I say we greet these newcomers with open arms... and gouge them for all they're worth! Who's with me?
- Comic Book Guy: I'm in for some gouging.
- Duffman: Duffman is commited to the corporate support of gouging!
- Homer Simpson: Aw, Marge got remarried after I died. Wait a minute, I'm not dead! What the hell's going on?
- Bart Simpson: Dad, I don't think you're giving them what they were promised.
- Homer Simpson: The trick is to not read the comment cards.
- Reverend Lovejoy: All these people are going to listen to my sermon.
- Helen Lovejoy: Did Saint John worry about the crowd?
- Reverend Lovejoy: He wrote letters! Any fool can write letters!