Evan Stone: Captain Kirk

Quotes 

• Evil Kirk : Mr. Spock, you're a pain in the ass. Both universes.

• Young Kirk : I'm gonna have to talk to Spock about this. Must be that *red* matter.

  Captain Kirk : Red matter. What exactly is red matter?

  Young Kirk : I dunno, but it's... bad.

• [last lines] 

  Spock : [giving Vulcan salute]  Welcome aboard, Captain.

  Captain Kirk : Thank you, Mr. Spock.

• Dr. McCoy : [checks medical tricorder]  No doubt about it, Jim, he's you.

  [observes Young Kirk sneaking a peek up Nurse Chapel's skirt as she bends over to pick up a dropped instrument case] 

  Dr. McCoy : Well, you as an adult.

  Young Kirk : I *am* an adult.

  Captain Kirk : The jury's still out.

  Young Kirk : I don't understand how this happened.

  Dr. McCoy : Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a physicist!

  Captain Kirk : ...mechanic?

  Young Kirk : Yours does this, too?

  Captain Kirk : All the time.

• Young Kirk : You ready to go home?

  Captain Kirk : The ship is brand new. Your laws of physics make no sense. You got a crew of sexy twentysomethings... fuck like rabbits. Who wouldn't want to leave?

  Young Kirk : Good. Glad to hear it.

  Ambassador Robert April : When an officer of the line leaves your ship, it is customary to show them the way to the transporter pad by going first.

  Young Kirk : I knew that! Captain Kirk, may I invite you onto my transporter so I can get you the hell offa my ship, and back to where you came from?

  Captain Kirk : I don't think so.

  [signals Scotty to activate the transporter] 

  Young Kirk : Dude, no fuckin' way. This sucks!

  [dematerializes] 

• Captain Kirk : Lieutenant Uhura, raise the bridge for me.

  Uhura : My pleasure sir.

  Sulu : [voice over intercom]  Helm.

  Captain Kirk : Mr. Sulu, set course for Cygnet 14.

  Sulu : [voice over intercom]  Aye-Aye, Captain. Warp one.

  Captain Kirk : Mr. Sulu, you're such a pussy. Warp factor *six*.

  Sulu : [voice over intercom]  Oh my!