Jake Norvell: Self

Quotes 

• Brad Jones : First of all, should we talk about you guys buying the ticket first?

  Jake Norvell : Yes.

  Jerrid Foiles : Sure.

  Jake Norvell : Let's start there.

  [laughing] 

  Jerrid Foiles : Oh yeah. No, you're gonna love this.

  Brad Jones : Ok.

  Jake Norvell : Um, yeah, um, I, When I went up to the, uh, the ticket counter, I, uh, slam my hand on there. I was like...

  Jake Norvell : [makes slamming motion]  "Mr. Popper's Penguins!"

  [chuckling] 

  Jake Norvell : The, the guy who was taking the ticket... it took me 5 minutes to get my ticket... he did not honestly believe that I'm going to go see "Mr. Fucking Popper's Penguins."

  Brad Jones : You're also wearing a comic book shirt!

  Jake Norvell : I'm wearing my comic book shirt, my, uh, my Joker shirt. He honestly, like, he even charged me for a 3-D showing of "The Green Lantern," because he honestly thought I was fucking with him that much.

  Brad Jones : I had to step in and be like, "No, no, it's for a website. They actually are seeing 'Mr. Popper's Penguins.'"

  Jake Norvell : Even then he was like, "Are you sure? Like, you can go see Green Lantern." I'm not going to go see Green Lantern. I'm seeing Mr. Goddamn Popper's Penguins.

• Jake Norvell : [on Mr. Popper's Penguins]  It was like reheated shit.

  Brad Jones : That was the monster in our movie!

• Jerrid Foiles : [to Jake]  Go on.

  Jake Norvell : I'm laughing my ass off. I didn't do it, okay. I don't appreciate you immediately coming to the conclusion that I did like this movie.

  Brad Jones : Sorry, sorry.

  Jake Norvell : But in your defense, there's a very good possibility I did, but no.

  Jerrid Foiles : Let's just say this, there was another couple in that, uh, in that theater.

  Brad Jones : You weren't alone?

  Jake Norvell : [shaking his head giddily] 

  Jerrid Foiles : No.

  David Gobble : No, no, no, no, no. Explain the story in full please.

  Brad Jones : I think I know where this is going.

  Jake Norvell : Oh, you should. So, uh, we're sitting there, and, um, the ticket lady first came in and just, like, sat there, staring at us, and I was like, "How ya doin'?" She's like, "What movie is this?" I was like, "Mr. Popper's Penguins! Come on in! Have a seat! We're the only ones watching it!" She laughed and laughed and I'm sitting there watching the commercials I just paid ten dollars to see. And, uh, this couple walked in, and they were walking up, and the guy was like, "Wow! I thought we were gonna be the only people here." And I was like, "I was thinking the exact same thing when you guys came in."

  Brad Jones : Yeah.

  Jake Norvell : I didn't think much of it.

  Brad Jones : Uh-huh?

  David Gobble : Continue

  Jake Norvell : This is exactly where it's going.

  Brad Jones : [laughing] 

  Jake Norvell : Um, so we're sitting there, and, uh, we're watching the newest tweeny movies that are going to come out.

  Brad Jones : Yeah?

  Jake Norvell : And, uh, I hear a moan. Uh, a female moan. And I was like, "What the fuck was that?" And I started to laugh, because they're sitting, like, in the very top row of the theater, alright, way behind us. I'm sitting, we're sitting front row. I mean, not front row, center, like in the middle of the row, the ideal viewing spot.

  Brad Jones : Yeah.

  Jake Norvell : And I heard that, so I started to giggle, because it's

  [blows raspberry] 

  Jake Norvell : midnight, and I'm tired. And, uh, and then I hear, "Uh! Ouch!" So like what is going on up there?

  Brad Jones : That doesn't go there!

• Jake Norvell : [continuing his story]  I turned around to look, and I didn't see anything, so I was like, "Well, okay."

  Brad Jones : Uh-huh?

  Jake Norvell : And then, uh, the girl walked down the aisle, this is all of course before the movie ever started.

  Brad Jones : Oh!

  Jake Norvell : And, um, so she was walking and she tugging at her shirt a little bit like, you know, like, pulling it down. So, "What the fuck are they doing up there?"

  Brad Jones : Uh-huh.

  Jake Norvell : And so she comes back in, the movie's started. So I'm sitting there watching this just, just... awful movie... and I start to hearing this rhythmic...

  Jake Norvell : [makes fist and taps it rhythmically on his leg] 

  Brad Jones : [laughing] 

  Jake Norvell : Right?

  Brad Jones : It wasn't just the penguins slapping their feet or whatever?

  Jake Norvell : Oh no, no. No, no, the penguins have not shown up yet. And so I'm hearing this and at first...

  Brad Jones : [laughing hysterically] 

  Jake Norvell : At first I thought Jerrid was just ripping ass, because it sounded like it was coming right beside me, and I look beside me and Jerrid's just like...

  [cocks head sideways] 

  Jake Norvell : Neh! So I was, like, it wasn't Jerrid?

  Jerrid Foiles : I really was, just, brain-dead, 'cause this movie was just so bad.

  Jake Norvell : It was, it was bad. It was *bad*. And, um, so I'm like, "OK, it's not Jerrid, then what are they doing up there?" And I turned, and, uh, I'm sitting kinda like this.

  [slouches in seat] 

  Jake Norvell : And they can't see me. So I go like that to turn around...

  Jake Norvell : [turns head around] 

  Jake Norvell : [turns back]  And when I looked up there, I saw titties.

  [everyone busts out laughing] 

• Jake Norvell : Things happened in that theater.

• Jake Norvell : When I went up to the ticket counter, I slammed my hand on the door and said Mr. Popper's Penguins. The guy who was working there. It took me five minutes to get our tickets. He did not honestly believe I was seeing Mr. Popper's fuckin Penguines.