Jerrid Foiles: Self

Quotes 

• Brad Jones : First of all, should we talk about you guys buying the ticket first?

  Jake Norvell : Yes.

  Jerrid Foiles : Sure.

  Jake Norvell : Let's start there.

  [laughing] 

  Jerrid Foiles : Oh yeah. No, you're gonna love this.

  Brad Jones : Ok.

  Jake Norvell : Um, yeah, um, I, When I went up to the, uh, the ticket counter, I, uh, slam my hand on there. I was like...

  Jake Norvell : [makes slamming motion]  "Mr. Popper's Penguins!"

  [chuckling] 

  Jake Norvell : The, the guy who was taking the ticket... it took me 5 minutes to get my ticket... he did not honestly believe that I'm going to go see "Mr. Fucking Popper's Penguins."

  Brad Jones : You're also wearing a comic book shirt!

  Jake Norvell : I'm wearing my comic book shirt, my, uh, my Joker shirt. He honestly, like, he even charged me for a 3-D showing of "The Green Lantern," because he honestly thought I was fucking with him that much.

  Brad Jones : I had to step in and be like, "No, no, it's for a website. They actually are seeing 'Mr. Popper's Penguins.'"

  Jake Norvell : Even then he was like, "Are you sure? Like, you can go see Green Lantern." I'm not going to go see Green Lantern. I'm seeing Mr. Goddamn Popper's Penguins.

• Brad Jones : I'm so glad I paid money so you could watch some fucking porn!

  Jerrid Foiles : I wasn't!

  Brad Jones : I had to watch "Green Lantern!"

  Jerrid Foiles : I, I had to watch...

  Brad Jones : You had much better fucking 3-D than I did!

• Jerrid Foiles : [to Jake]  Go on.

  Jake Norvell : I'm laughing my ass off. I didn't do it, okay. I don't appreciate you immediately coming to the conclusion that I did like this movie.

  Brad Jones : Sorry, sorry.

  Jake Norvell : But in your defense, there's a very good possibility I did, but no.

  Jerrid Foiles : Let's just say this, there was another couple in that, uh, in that theater.

  Brad Jones : You weren't alone?

  Jake Norvell : [shaking his head giddily] 

  Jerrid Foiles : No.

  David Gobble : No, no, no, no, no. Explain the story in full please.

  Brad Jones : I think I know where this is going.

  Jake Norvell : Oh, you should. So, uh, we're sitting there, and, um, the ticket lady first came in and just, like, sat there, staring at us, and I was like, "How ya doin'?" She's like, "What movie is this?" I was like, "Mr. Popper's Penguins! Come on in! Have a seat! We're the only ones watching it!" She laughed and laughed and I'm sitting there watching the commercials I just paid ten dollars to see. And, uh, this couple walked in, and they were walking up, and the guy was like, "Wow! I thought we were gonna be the only people here." And I was like, "I was thinking the exact same thing when you guys came in."

  Brad Jones : Yeah.

  Jake Norvell : I didn't think much of it.

  Brad Jones : Uh-huh?

  David Gobble : Continue

  Jake Norvell : This is exactly where it's going.

  Brad Jones : [laughing] 

  Jake Norvell : Um, so we're sitting there, and, uh, we're watching the newest tweeny movies that are going to come out.

  Brad Jones : Yeah?

  Jake Norvell : And, uh, I hear a moan. Uh, a female moan. And I was like, "What the fuck was that?" And I started to laugh, because they're sitting, like, in the very top row of the theater, alright, way behind us. I'm sitting, we're sitting front row. I mean, not front row, center, like in the middle of the row, the ideal viewing spot.

  Brad Jones : Yeah.

  Jake Norvell : And I heard that, so I started to giggle, because it's

  [blows raspberry] 

  Jake Norvell : midnight, and I'm tired. And, uh, and then I hear, "Uh! Ouch!" So like what is going on up there?

  Brad Jones : That doesn't go there!

• Jake Norvell : [continuing his story]  I turned around to look, and I didn't see anything, so I was like, "Well, okay."

  Brad Jones : Uh-huh?

  Jake Norvell : And then, uh, the girl walked down the aisle, this is all of course before the movie ever started.

  Brad Jones : Oh!

  Jake Norvell : And, um, so she was walking and she tugging at her shirt a little bit like, you know, like, pulling it down. So, "What the fuck are they doing up there?"

  Brad Jones : Uh-huh.

  Jake Norvell : And so she comes back in, the movie's started. So I'm sitting there watching this just, just... awful movie... and I start to hearing this rhythmic...

  Jake Norvell : [makes fist and taps it rhythmically on his leg] 

  Brad Jones : [laughing] 

  Jake Norvell : Right?

  Brad Jones : It wasn't just the penguins slapping their feet or whatever?

  Jake Norvell : Oh no, no. No, no, the penguins have not shown up yet. And so I'm hearing this and at first...

  Brad Jones : [laughing hysterically] 

  Jake Norvell : At first I thought Jerrid was just ripping ass, because it sounded like it was coming right beside me, and I look beside me and Jerrid's just like...

  [cocks head sideways] 

  Jake Norvell : Neh! So I was, like, it wasn't Jerrid?

  Jerrid Foiles : I really was, just, brain-dead, 'cause this movie was just so bad.

  Jake Norvell : It was, it was bad. It was *bad*. And, um, so I'm like, "OK, it's not Jerrid, then what are they doing up there?" And I turned, and, uh, I'm sitting kinda like this.

  [slouches in seat] 

  Jake Norvell : And they can't see me. So I go like that to turn around...

  Jake Norvell : [turns head around] 

  Jake Norvell : [turns back]  And when I looked up there, I saw titties.

  [everyone busts out laughing]