- Thinking Schmidt has chosen to be with Cece, Jess and Nick invite him to go on a double date with them. Nick is caught between loyalty to his friend and loyalty to his girlfriend when he finds out a shocking secret. Meanwhile, Winston promises to get the foursome a table at an ultra-exclusive restaurant that doesn't take reservations.—Fox Publicity
- Schmidt makes plans over the phone with Elizabeth then hangs up when Cece comes out of his bedroom. Nick and Jess shuffle out in pjs and Jess suggests a double date. Schmidt de-evolves into bepop nonsense when asked about his plans for the evening.
Winston sings to his stolen cat Ferguson. When he sees the group he asks if they're making plans for a date and he wants to come. He suggests bringing Ferguson. He takes on the challenge of trying to get a same day reservation at a hot new restaurant.
Nick and Jess lie in bed naked when Cece knocks on the door. Nick calls "not involved" as Cece walks to talk about Schmidt. Cece thinks he's on drugs, saying he's had weird energy lately and has stepped up his bed game.
Winston goes to Pica to try to get a reservation. They have one seven weeks from now. The hostess suggests the community table. He slips her an IOU for $10.
Nick goes to see Schmidt, who is hopped up and nervous. He drags Nick into his room and confesses he's done something bad. Nick promises he won't get mad.
Schmidt tells him he neglected to break up with Elizabeth. "I see it ending badly, I see it ending very, very badly," Schmidt says.
Nick gets angry realizing he's now in it. Schmidt suggests he tell someone to get it off his chest, but definitely not Jess.
Nick practices lying in the mirror and can't do it. When Jess comes home, he's wearing a helmet. She interprets it as being time for "no kiss sex."
Winston sits down at the community table at Pica. He scares one diner off by taking her food and cramming it in his mouth. He tosses his coat over two chairs when other people leave, slowly claiming space.
After their helmet sex, Jess asks Nick if he talked to Schmidt.
Cut to her charging Schmidt and yelling at him. Nick tries to rectify the situation by dancing to make everyone happy.
Jess tells Schmidt to tell Cece or she will. When Cece arrives, Schmidt thinks about it, then grabs her phone and races her out the door saying they're taking two separate cars.
At the restaurant, the hostess tries to get Winston to give up the table. He's been there two hours and ordered eight entrees and taken bites of differing sizes to simulate people eating there.
On the drive there, Schmidt drives like a maniac, through stop signs. When Cece asks what's wrong, he tells her he just found out Nick is cheating on Jess with a much younger woman who is "deeply Korean."
On the drive there, Jess accuses Nick of being afraid to get involved, saying he's afraid of everything. He asks if an afraid person would put his finger in the cigarette lighter, then doesn't. So she does, and yells in pain. In an effort to comfort her and be in as much pain as she is, he sticks his finger in, too. And so they yell and cry and moan their way to the restaurant.
In Schmidt's car, Cece resolves to punch Nick in the junk. She orders Schmidt to turn the car around, which he does super slowly.
At the restaurant, Winston pretends to be African to scare other diners away. He gets moony looking at all the happy couples.
Schmidt and Cece reach the restaurant, but Schmidt refuses to get out of the car. Inside, Winston receives a round of applause from the other diners when his actual friend arrives.
When Nick and Jess arrive, she goes inside and Nick joins Schmidt in the car, telling him it's time to go inside and face the music.
When Nick gets inside, before Jess can tell her anything, Cece punches him in the junk. She does it again for good measure until Schmidt comes in and finally confesses that he's been cheating on her with Elizabeth.
Winston witnesses the carnage and pipes up. "Guys, I hate to do this right now, but if we don't sit down, we will lose this table," he says.
Schmidt tells Cece he really didn't want to hurt her, but he got caught up in this thing. He explains he used to be fat and now girls like him and he got lost.
"I don't know you,' she says. She says good-bye.
Back at the loft, Jess wonders why Cece hasn't called. Nick tells Jess he wants to be with her, unless she's driving. They start arguing about him driving while needing glasses but hear shouts from the living room.
They walk out to see Elizabeth grinding a pie in Schmidt's face. "You broke my heart. Mail me my mouth guard," she says and leaves.
Cece had Elizabeth's phone number.
Schmidt tells Jess and Nick he blames them for everything and he vows to break them up when they least expect it.
When he leaves, they review the things Schmidt could use against them. Jess is afraid of pears, and pear shaped people. Nick is not convinced he knows how to read, he's just memorized a lot of words. Nick thinks the moon landing is fake. They start arguing then Jess notes Schmidt's already in their heads.
She confesses she kind of wants to get a gun, he's sexually attracted to ladybugs. She's weirdly good at volleyball and he believes horses come from outerspace.
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