- Phil Dunphy: There are two types of people: those who waste time staring at a closed door... and those who find a window.
- Cameron Tucker: Okay, you know what mattered the most to Coach Knight?
- Boy: His work with special-needs kids?
- Cameron Tucker: Okay, he took one kid to one beach one time!
- Claire Dunphy: Oh, honey. What happened to you today?
- Phil Dunphy: A cosmic pummeling. I lost the deal. If I don't close on one tomorrow, it's gonna be my first month ever with no sale.
- Claire Dunphy: Actually, there is no 31st this month.
- Phil Dunphy: What are you talking about?
- Claire Dunphy: Tomorrow's the first. Honey, I'm sorry. Are you okay?
- Phil Dunphy: No, I'm not okay! I just found out there is literally no tomorrow!