The Gunfighter (2013)

Nick Offerman: The Narrator

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  The Narrator : The weary gunfighter walked slowly through the saloon. The long miles from Cheyenne had taken their toll.

  The Gunfighter : Who's sayin' that stuff?

  The Narrator : He scanned the room with a suspicious eye. Years on the run from the law had taught him that a tough man could get out of a situation, but a smart man never gets himself into one.

  The Gunfighter : Please quit doin' that. I just want to have a shot of whiskey in peace.

  The Narrator : But the gunfighter would find no peace for the Henderson boys were waiting in the corner to kill him for the $200 bounty on his head.

  The Gunfighter : Is that true? Are you boys tryin' to kill me like this voice is sayin'?

  Tommy Henderson : Ah, no...

  The Narrator : ...lied the oldest Henderson boy.

• [last lines] 

  The Narrator : It was a true ballet of death. When the gruesome bloodbath was over, not a single person was left standing... except for Sally, the itchy whore...

  Sally : Yahoo!

  The Narrator : ...who celebrated by scratching her front porch. Little did she know she'd be mauled to death by a rabid wolf the very next day.

  Sally : Wellll, fuck.