- Mycroft Holmes: Looks very... fully functioning.
- Sherlock Holmes: Is that really the best you can do?
- Mycroft Holmes: Sorry, I've never been very good with them.
- Sherlock Holmes: Babies?
- Mycroft Holmes: Humans.
- Mycroft Holmes: I met her once.
- Sherlock Holmes: Thatcher?
- Mycroft Holmes: Rather arrogant, I thought.
- Sherlock Holmes: *You* thought that?
- Mycroft Holmes: [laughs] I know.
- [Last lines]
- Sherlock Holmes: [narrating] When does the path we walk on lock around our feet? When does the road become a river with only one destination? Death waits for us all in Samarra. But can Samarra be avoided?
- Sherlock Holmes: Intuitions are not to be ignored, John. They represent data processed too fast for the conscious mind to comprehend.
- Sherlock Holmes: [referring to a taxi] That's mine. You two take a bus.
- Dr. John Watson: I don't... Why?
- Sherlock Holmes: I need to concentrate and I don't want to hit you.
- Sherlock Holmes: Mary, no human action is ever truly random. An advanced grasp of the mathematics of probability mapped onto a thorough apprehension of human psychology and the known dispositions of any given individual can reduce the number of variables considerably. I myself know of at least 58 techniques to refine a seemingly infinite array of randomly generated possibilities down to the smallest number of feasible variables.
- [pause]
- Sherlock Holmes: But they're really difficult, so instead I just stuck a tracer on the inside of the memory stick.
- [starts chuckling]
- Sherlock Holmes: You ever think I'm becoming a bit... full of myself, cocky or overconfident...
- Mrs. Hudson: Yes?
- Sherlock Holmes: ...would you just say the word "Norbury" to me? Would you?
- Mrs. Hudson: Norbury?
- Sherlock Holmes: Just that. I'd be very grateful.
- Mycroft Holmes: But remember this, brother mine. Agents like Mary tend not to reach retirement age. They *get* retired, in a pretty permanent sort of way.
- Sherlock Holmes: Not on my watch.
- Mycroft Holmes: Is that sentiment talking?
- Sherlock Holmes: No. It's me.
- Mycroft Holmes: Difficult to tell the difference these days.
- Mrs. Hudson: A case? Oh, you're not up to it, are you?
- Sherlock Holmes: Work is the best antidote to sorrow, Mrs Hudson.
- Vicar: And now, godparents, are you ready to help the parents of this child in their duties as Christian parents?
- Molly Hooper, Mrs. Hudson: We are.
- [Molly nudges Sherlock]
- Siri's male voice: [Sherlock's phone] Sorry, I didn't catch that. Please repeat the question.
- Dr. John Watson: And, uh... you, too, Sherlock.
- Sherlock Holmes: You, too, what?
- Dr. John Watson: Godfather. We'd like you to be godfather.
- Sherlock Holmes: God is a ludicrous fiction dreamt up by inadequates who abnegate all responsibility to an invisible magic friend.
- Dr. John Watson: Yeah, but there'll be cake. Will you do it?
- Sherlock Holmes: I'll get back to you.
- Emma Welsborough: Is your friend quite mad?
- Dr. John Watson: No, he's an arsehole, but it's an easy mistake.
- DI Lestrade: So, how's it going then, fatherhood?
- Dr. John Watson: Oh, good, great. Yeah, amazing.
- DI Lestrade: Get any sleep?
- Dr. John Watson: Christ, no.
- DI Lestrade: You at the beck and call of a screaming, demanding baby, woken up all hours to obey his every whim?
- DI Lestrade: [looking pointedly at Sherlock] Must feel very different.
- Sherlock Holmes: Sorry. What?
- Dr. John Watson: Yes, well, you know how it is. All you do is clean up their mess, pat them on the head...
- Sherlock Holmes: You two having a little joke?
- Dr. John Watson: Never a word of thanks. Can't even tell people's faces apart.
- Dr. John Watson: This is a joke, isn't it?
- [first lines]
- Mycroft Holmes: What you're about to see is classified beyond top secret. Is that quite clear? Don't minute any of this. Once beyond these walls, you must never speak of it. A D-notice has been slapped on the entire incident. Only those within this room, code-names Antarctica, Langdale, Porlock and Love, will ever know the whole truth. As far as everyone else is concerned, going to the Prime Minister and way beyond, Charles Augustus...
- [to Sherlock]
- Mycroft Holmes: Are you tweeting?
- Sherlock Holmes: I always know when the game is on. You know why?
- Lady Smallwood: Why?
- Sherlock Holmes: Because I love it.
- Sherlock Holmes: Can't stand it. Never can. There's a loose thread in the world.
- Dr. John Watson: It doesn't mean you have to pull on it.
- Sherlock Holmes: What kind of a life would that be?
- Sherlock Holmes: God is a ludicrous fiction, dreamt up by inadequates who abnegate all responsibility to an invisible magic friend.