Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Foodfight! (2014)

Malcolm Ray: Researcher #1, Spin 'n' Say Toy Tester

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : What the hell is "Foodfight" and why does everybody want me to review it?

  Researcher #1 : Well, according to our research, "Foodfight" is one of the worst, if not *the* worst animated film of all time.

  Nostalgia Critic : Worst? Like, worst worst?

  Researcher #2 : It only came out last year, but it seems to be growing an underground following at a surprising rapid rate.

  Researcher #1 : If our data serves correctly, this flop could be as popular as "The Room" and "Birdemic" combined. It could easily be the next big thing.

  Researcher #2 : [pressing several buttons on her phone]  Only a few online critics have reviewed it so far, which means its potential can still be milked like a lactating Clarabelle Cow.

  Nostalgia Critic : Wait a minute, so you're saying that if I jump aboard the bandwagon before it even becomes a bandwagon, I can be one of the frontrunners of the bandwagon?

  Researcher #1 : Potentially.

• Nostalgia Critic : Isn't it kind of a no-brainer that you don't give $65,000,000 to a person who would fail a Fisher Price Barnyard Animals game?

  [cut to someone testing out a Fisher Price Spin 'n' Say] 

  Spin 'n' Say voice : A kitty cat goes...

  Spin 'n' Say Toy Tester : Squeak, squeak!

  Nostalgia Critic : Give him all our money! Clearly, we are dealing with artistic genius here!

  Spin 'n' Say Toy Tester : I pooped myself!

  Nostalgia Critic : Give him an extra grand for that.

• Nostalgia Critic : This is the worst animated film I have ever seen. Hands down, no comparison. Its scars are left deep inside of me. Why did I do it? For you. I did it for you. Because I know that I have seen the worst. I know that no other form of animation will ever be worse than Foodfight. And because of that, I know for a fact that this film will forever in the history books always be seen as...

  [cut to the researchers' lab] 

  Nostalgia Critic : ... PASSE?

  Researcher #1 : Yup. Since you started the review, the movie's popularity has already died out.

  Nostalgia Critic : But that was a fucking half hour ago!

  Researcher #1 : Well, that's practically five years in internet time.

  Researcher #2 : Yes, people knew it was gonna be the next popular thing to mock.

  Researcher #1 : So they decided not to mock it at all.

  Nostalgia Critic : Wait, so the popularity of something can fade even before it becomes popular?

  Researcher #1 : Mm-hmm. We call it the Hipster Effect.

  Researcher #2 : Knowing something is going to be ironically cool suddenly makes it traditionally cool.

  Researcher #1 : So to be ahead of the curve, they decided to not even make it ironically cool.

  Researcher #2 : Hell, even thinking about it probably cuts its lifespan in half.

  Nostalgia Critic : [depressed]  So you're telling me sitting through all this misery, the worst animated film of all time, was...?

  Researcher #1 : A complete waste of time.

  Researcher #2 : Sorry, buddy.

  Nostalgia Critic : And there's nothing I can do about it?

  Researcher #1 : Not unless you somehow want to do a review of the Attorney General of Crimea.

  Researcher #2 : She is on fire right now!