- Danny Pearson: But how can there be, uh... this many Jews in here? I mean, who are the Jews?
- Joe Caputo: I know, confusing, right?
- Danny Pearson: Yeah.
- Joe Caputo: We used to have them wear the Stars of David, but we had to stop doing that after World War II. I don't remember why.
- Piper Chapman: I need your panties.
- Yoga Jones: What?
- Piper Chapman: Well, I will give you the panties, but I need you to wear them. I need your vag sweat. And mybe some, um, colorless discharge. I'm starting a business selling stinky panties to perverts.
- Yoga Jones: That's the miraculous adventure?
- Piper Chapman: It's easy. I give you flavor packets, and you give me something you're, uh, you're already giving away for free.
- Big Boo: And then you get to keep the money.
- Piper Chapman: And you are supporting a local business, keeping jobs right here at home. I'm like American Apparel, with less implied statutory rape.
- Yoga Jones: It's disgusting.
- Piper Chapman: I understand. I too was once embarrassed and squeamish by my personal
- [pauses]
- Piper Chapman: eau de parfum. But then I thought: Why should I be ashamed? Isn't that a part of the self-hatred that has been bred into me by the patriarchy? And are those same men that would shame me not the same men that would wear my panties on their faces, inhaling deeply? Ladies, now is the time to be bold. For when these men smell your panties, they are smelling your character. Let them smell daring and courage. Let them smell women who are unabashed and un-self-conscious. And let them say that Litchfield, Litchfield is a place where women love their bodies and have love to spare. Sisters, we may be incarcerated, but our panties will travel the world. And in that way, long after we are gone, our smell, our smell will linger in some gas station in Toronto, in some office cubicle in Tokyo. And in that way, we are known. And in that way, we are remembered. Do you want to be remembered?
- Big Boo: Yeah.
- Piper Chapman: Then sweat profusely, and fart with abandon, and make a reek. Make a reek, my sisters! Make a reek to last one thousand years!
- Danny Pearson: Everything running pretty smoothly so far. Well, except for our Jewish problem.
- Huey Strath: Jewish problem?
- Danny Pearson: Probably not the best choice of words.
- Tim Walters: There's a program for kosher meals that we feel is being abused. I have a plan to adress it. Also, I've located a new source for soap.
- Cheryl: Is it the Jews?