The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (TV Series)

Jason Statham/Demi Lovato/Chef David Chang (2014)

Jason Statham: Self

Quotes 

• Self - Host : welcome, thank you for stopping by my man

  Jason Statham : very kind of you for having me back

  Self - Host : yeah, absolutely. We love having you back, every time your here we do something fun: this hamster race is going to be ridiculous

  Jason Statham : yeah, your gonna lose, by the way, just to let you know that

  Self - Host : [impersonating Statham's accent]  no, I think your gonna lose

  Jason Statham : well, I haven't lost anything "yet"

  Jason Statham : [impersonating Statham's accent]  you haven't lost anything "yet", but eventually your gonna lose

  Jason Statham : [amused, to the audience]  we'll see, he doesn't know I've been practicing

  Self - Host : [laughs]  you don't have a giant hamster ball

  Jason Statham : I have a hamster ball in my house

  Self - Host : [takes out a desk top size movie poster of The Expendables 3 and the audience applauses]  look at this thing, everybody is in it, everybody in the world is in this

  Self - Host : [jokingly, to the audience]  the whole audience is in this movie, congratulations everybody, the people's movie, the people are "actually" in it: the whole world

  Self - Host : [referring to the desk top size movie poster]  gosh, it must've been fun to shoot, huh? Everyone here is just a huge action star but in this one it's crazier, more explosions, shootings, like what you'd want to expect in anything

  Jason Statham : yeah

  Self - Host : but this one's serious, you almost actually died

  Jason Statham : yeah, I got a "close shave", I'll tell you what happened, this was serious: we were filming on the edge of the dock, on the edge of the Black Sea in Bulgaria and I'm driving a three-ton flatbed truck, everybody's supposed to get on the back of the truck and before they get on, I say "Let me do a test drive." So, I'm in the truck and I slam on the break where I'm supposed to stop, nothing happens. Next thing you know, I hit two cameramen, I literally thought I killed them, it was like a split second later, I'm going nine feet over the edge of this concrete jetty, I'm going towards the Black Sea, I'm thinking "I've got to get out of this, this is ridiculous". So, I'm trying to pry myself from around the wheel, to get out of the window, the windows are down, the truck hits the water, the water just slams me back, I'm sinking straight down to the bottom. So, I'm like sixty feet down to the bottom, stuck in the mud, I'm thinking "Hang on a minute, how am I gonna get out of this? This is how it ends"

  Self - Host : [laughs, referring to what Statham was thinking at the time]  this is how I die"

  Jason Statham : I was thinking "This is exactly how it all ends"

  Self - Host : you were wearing a seat belt and all that stuff?

  Jason Statham : no, it's not necessary

  Self - Host : oh, you were only going a short way, you weren't really moving

  Jason Statham : but I've got boots, and I've got a gun belt, jackets, all the things you don't want when your sinking...

  Jason Statham : [after Fallon and Statham laugh]  so you know, you get the composure, the survival "kicks in", you pull yourself out the window, you start "grabbing at the wall" swimming towards the surface

  Self - Host : can you see anything, was it dark?

  Jason Statham : no, they don't call it the "Black Sea" for no reason

  Self - Host : [realizing his unproductive question]  oh, I'm sorry

  Jason Statham : I literally couldn't even see my hand, a total nightmare and you know I eventually come out of the surface. At that point, you really do understand who your friends are

  Self - Host : [while taking out the desk top size movie poster, jokingly and sarcastically]  yeah, who's gonna jump in? Every action star in the history of the world there to save your life

  Self - Host : [impersonating Stallone's speech impediment]  "I would jump in to save you Jason", you almost drowned

  Jason Statham : so, as I come out

  Self - Host : yeah, who's there?

  Jason Statham : I say "Where's Sly?" And he stood on the side of the dock with his iPhone

  Jason Statham : [impersonating Stallone's speech impediment]  "Jason, you need a towel?"

  Self - Host : that's hilarious but thank God, your alive. We couldn't have raced each other in the hamster ball