Swiss Army Man (2016)
Daniel Radcliffe: Manny
Photos
Quotes
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Manny : Thoughts like, if my best friend keeps his farts from me, what else is he hiding from me, and why does that thought make me feel so alone?
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Hank : Because I'm just a scared, ugly, useless person.
Manny : But maybe everyone's a little bit ugly. And maybe we're all just ugly, dying sacks of shit, and maybe all it'll take is one person to just be okay with that, and then the whole world will be dancing and singing and farting, and everyone will feel a little bit less alone.
Hank : Manny, you have no idea how nice that sounds.
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Manny : Hank, when I masturbate, I'm gonna think about your mom.
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Manny : I have a lot of questions about all the things you just said.
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Hank : Maybe that's just something the brain invents to survive.
Manny : Yeah. Like maybe your brain invented me to distract you from the fact that eventually your eyes are gonna stop blinking and your mouth will stop chewing and your blood'll stop pumping... and then you're gonna shit yourself, and that's it.
Hank : No. No, that's not it. Because then my organs are going to shit themselves.
Manny : And then your cells will shit themselves, and then all your shit's gonna get mixed in with everyone else's shit till there's nothing left of you, and then that's it.
Hank : I don't know, man. That sounds kind of nice, everyone's shit mixing, because then someday some of your shit is gonna meet up with some of my shit, and we'll have something to look forward to, you know?
Manny : You're disgusting.
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Manny : Girls must be so nice if they let guys do all these things to them.
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Hank : Every day, you ride the bus and count the minutes, hoping you'll see her again.
Manny : Oh, my God.
Hank : She smiles, and you feel a strange tingle up the back of your neck. Something carnal inside of you causes your body to break out in sweats. You feel like the luckiest man in the world. She sits alone, just like every other day, and looks out the window lost in her thoughts. You know that look. She's just as alone as you are, but she doesn't have to be. You could talk to her. Tell her you'd love to sit next to her today and every other day, because life is short, and no one deserves to ride the bus alone.
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Manny : And so now when you masturbate you think about your mom?
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Manny : We're gonna die. That's a thought. Everybody dies. I'm sorry if this makes me weird or you don't understand, but I wish I was dead again.
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Manny : Is this crying? I don't like it. It's wet and uncomfortable.
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Manny : Uhh... what should I do now?
Hank : Um... OK, maybe you talk to her.
Manny : Well, what do I talk about?
Hank : Just... whatever comes naturally.
Manny : Hello. I don't know why, but I have this sudden urge to put my mouth on your mouth?
Hank : OK, that's called kissing, but you can't do that yet. That's too fast.
Manny : Oh... Uh, how 'bout if I put my penis in you?
Hank : That's even worse.
Manny : Oh, so sorry. What about if just did the tip, like, just the very beginning...
Hank : OK, Manny, is not about sex!
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Manny : Hey buddy!
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Manny : I just had a thought about a thought. How do you hide your thoughts, and why do we have to hide everything?
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Manny : Boobs, vaginas and butts.
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Hank : Back in civilization, there's seven billion other living people on the planet just running around and blinking and breathing and eating, and you used to be one of them. You were probably just looking for happiness. That's what everyone does.
Hank : [turning up the corners of Manny's mouth] This is what you look like when you're happy.
Manny : Happy.
Hank : You look for someone who will make you happy - a friend, a girlfriend or a dog.
[arf arf]
Hank : Good boy.
Manny : Good boy.
Hank : Sometimes you might be lucky enough to bump into the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with - and that is love.
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Manny : Hurry before you starve and die.
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Manny : What is Netflix?
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Manny : I don't know exactly what masturbation is or how it works, but I guess it probably feels a lot like the wind in your hair, or driving really fast in a car, or taking a bite out of your favorite food, or dancing with your friends, or singing your favorite song, or riding the bus, or looking out of windows.
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Manny : So this is it. This is the life I've forgotten.
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Manny : I wanna have sex. I wish there was some way I could pretend to do it.
Hank : It's called masturbation. It's kinda like sex.
Manny : But by yourself?
Hank : Yeah.
Manny : Masturbating make people happy.
Hank : It's supposed to. Sure.
Manny : I bet you masturbate a lot.
Hank : I can't believe we're talking about this.
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Manny : When I get back home, I'm gonna show Sarah how much I care about her every ingle day. Whenever she wants, she's thirty or whatever, she can drink my spit, and then she can ride my gas to wherever she wants to go.