- Jess's dad visits with his new fiancée, who went to high school with Jess. A suspicious Jess attempts to ruin their relationship. Meanwhile, Schmidt is trying to land a sponge ad campaign and enlists the guys' help to disastrous results.
- Schmidt asks Nick why his white, leather bound idea notebook has red stains on it. Nick says its either sloppy joes or blood. Flash to Nick eating sloppy joes, getting a bloody nose and then wiping everything on the notebook. Jess comes in looking for the French press and it turns out Nick used it last. In the meantime, he finds a crystal candy bowl in his bed covered in orange goo. As Schmidt yells at him to clean his room, Nick tries to retreat to Winstons, but he wont let him in after last time.
Flash to Winston returning to his room after a shower, taking off his towel and towel burning my unders when hes startled to see Nick there.
Coach joins them announcing that their fighting just made him prairie dog and now the bathroom stinks for no reason.
Are you happy, Winston? You just scared Coachs poo, Nick says.
Jess tries to calm everything down by noting the most important fact that her dad is coming with his new girlfriend.
Later, Cece is looking forward to Jess tearing into her dads new girlfriend. He has terrible taste in women, they remember the one who pretended to be paraplegic. Jess says shell be nice to her no matter who she is.
Jess dad and Ashley arrive. Jess recognizes her immediately as Julie Berkmans older sister. They went to high school together.
Cece and Jess take a moment to freak out in the bedroom. They know her as Trashly, and Jess remembers she sexually intercoursed my high school boyfriend George Jeong under the bleachers, while I was sitting on those bleachers.
Have you ever seen sex from above? Its horrible. Thats why God thinks its a sin. Also, Trashly gave him giardia in his belly ring. Giardia is a river disease. She had river mouth.
But Jess decides shes going to be sweet and kind and supportive, despite the rumor Ashley also slept with the DARE officer.
In the bathroom, Schmidt solicits the guys feedback on his pitch for the sponge account at work. He tries word association, but the first word they think of when Schmidt says sponge is sponge.
Coach finally comes up with cake.
At work, Schmidt makes his pitch to his boss Gina for the account, saying that men secretly like to clean. She agrees to let him put together a focus group at 3 p.m. today.
Over brunch, Ashley freely shares she repeated her senior year and did a ton of E.
Ashley and Bob met while she was listing to his band the Co-pays. Its just him and a few other pharmacists doing rock covers.
When Cece brings up the DARE officer, Ashley also freely admits that rumor was true. Bob shares cheerily that Ashley has had sex with hundreds of guys. We spent some time trying to total them up, killed a whole Saturday. We got to the Ls, Bob says.
She says she went to rehab for a sex addiction it took the fourth time. They get ready to leave for the beach. Ashley thanks Jess for brunch. I ate so much Im going to have to bang nine guys just to work it off. Im kidding. I did do that once, but Im not going to do that this time. Its all in the past for me, she says.
When Ashley leaves, Jess shares her reservations with her dad. But he insists he loves Ashley and is going to marry her.
Jess resolves that wont happen.
At Schmidts office, he meets with Nick, Winston and Coach in the parking garage. He gives them lines for the focus group, which include them raving about cleaning. After some tense negotiations over the free pizza theyll be receiving for humoring him, they go along with it.
Once theyre in the focus group, Nick is immediately distracted by a cute guy named Britney who says who cares? about sponges.
Back at the loft, Jess and Cece try to come up with a way to stop the wedding. Cece just goes straight in Ashleys purse for her phone and finds incriminating text about a guy getting excited about the idea shes in town.
When they confront Ashley, she says shes a sex therapist and the texter is her client. As shes leaving, she tells Jess that George Jeong gave her giardia. I saved you from a hideous river disease, Ashley says.
Later, Bob yells at Jess when he cant reach Ashley.
When the focus group starts, Coach and Winston dutiful recite their lines. When Schmidt gets to Nick, he breaks down mocking Schmidt and Schmidts boss Gina stops the clearly rigged focus group.
Jess follows her dad out to the car, where he tells her she doesnt need to take care of him anymore. He says Ashley makes every day better. Then they look across the street and see Ashley with a guy, adjusting her dress. Jess is afraid Ashley is going to relapse and suggests they turn on NPR and blast it.
Back up in the loft, Ashley introduces Roy, her LA sex sponsor. Ashley takes her stuff and leaves, telling Bob she needs space. Jess urges her dad not to give up and to go get the ring.
Back at work, Gina is telling Schmidt he cant have the account when Nick comes in to make the pitch for him, saying Schmidt is a neat freak, whose side of the room is so clean it looks like the inside of a Japanese subway. Speaking of sharing a bedroom, Britneys coming over tonight, Nick says. He starts to tell Schmidt hell need 10 to 15 minutes of privacy, then decides really only three, but no less than that because thats rude to girls.
Schmidt starts to explain to Nick that theres no way hes getting lucky in his filthy room, when inspiration strikes. He turns to Gina for his pitch, calling the sponge the ultimate wingman. Gina gives him the account.
Jess and Bob follow Ashley out to her car. Jess starts singing their song in the middle of the street, but is hit by a bike. When Ashley goes over to check on her, Jess takes the ring out of her dads pocket and he proposes. Ashley says yes.
Back up in the loft that night, Jess toasts. Heres to attending a wedding with everyone from high school, and my dads side of the family.
Jess spill her beer and Nick goes to clean it up with his sock, even though hes holding the sponge. Schmidt doesnt care, citing Nick as his inspiration.
(The closing credits are a sponge commercial in black and white, with a bright yellow sponge and a woman squeezing water all over her bosom, then tossing it to a dude. The voice over says: The man sponge. Because the dirtiest thing in your room Should be me, says the woman.)
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