One Big Happy (TV Series)

Out of the Closet (2015)

Nick Zano: Luke

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lizzy : [about all of Prudence's boxes]  So, what are we thinking? Dig right in, be done by lunch, or straight to the dumpster?

  Luke : Hey, remember, she's my wife. And you're the one who insisted that we all live together, 'cause you're a great friend and a great roommate.

  Lizzy : [self-congratulatory]  I guess I have been pretty great. I don't know if I would say "hero"...

  Luke : No one did.

  Lizzy : So, I guess I will continue to be awesome and generously open my home to all of your stuff.

  Prudence : Great! Oh, how about I take the big hall closet?

  Lizzy : [behind her, Luke tries to wave Prudence off]  How about I shut your mouth?

  Prudence : Sorry. Is that closet special? Is it the one you came out of?

• Luke : So, how you feeling, Mommy?

  Lizzy : Pretty good, Daddy.

  Luke : Should we never call each other that again?

  Lizzy : Absolutely not.

• Prudence : Lizzy, I know I've only had a few weeks for it to sink in, but I still can't believe you're going to be having my hubby's baby.

  Luke : And I can't believe someone as hot as you would marry into a situation like this.

  Lizzy : And I can't believe your second date was your wedding. Look at us, we all can't believe things!

• Prudence : [sitting Lizzy down at the table]  I've made you a nice English breakfast. I used to fix this all the time for my mum when she was pregnant with my sisters, and they all turned out perfectly healthy... except for Kathy.

  Luke : Prudence made you bangers and mash, which is food, and not a cop show on USA, as I originally thought.

  Lizzy : [Prudence sets the food in front of her]  What is this plate? This isn't my plate. Who brought in outside plates?

  Luke : Calm down, Anal Annie.

  [pause] 

  Luke : Never gonna say that again, either.

• Prudence : [about all the boxes her stuff was shipped in]  I don't need labels. Look, this one's got all my jumpers and trainers. Oh, this one's got my kitchen bits.

  Lizzy : None of those are real things.

  Prudence : [opening a box]  Oh, look! It's my granny's cock!

  Lizzy : [simultaneously with Luke]  What?

  Luke : What's that?

  [Prudence pulls out a fiberglass rooster] 

  Lizzy : [relieved]  She meant rooster.

  Luke : Thank god.

  Prudence : This cock has been in my family for over a hundred years. I need to find a special place to stick it.

  Lizzy : [to Luke]  Can you please tell her to say "rooster"?

• Prudence : Lizzy, I've been thinking about it, and you need to return Erica's things to her in person.

  Luke : No, no. Baby, you weren't here during the Erica years. Lizzy is strong, but this girl's like her kryptonite; you know, if kryptonite had perky B-cups.

• Luke : Do you know what the definition of insanity is? I forget, but I'm pretty sure it's what you're doing.

• Lizzy : [Prudence's stuff has arrived from England]  Wow, this is not... I am not...

  [doubling over] 

  Lizzy : ...handling this well.

  Luke : Relax. I know it looks like a lot of boxes.

  Lizzy : But who's counting? I am! There's thirty-nine! These boxes aren't even labeled. Don't they have Sharpies where you come from in... Candy Land, or Hogwarts?

• Prudence : Three years and you still have your ex's things? Lizzy, I knew you were uptight and OCD, and often humorless. I didn't realize you were such an avoider.

  Lizzy : [scoffing]  What? I'm... you... No, I am not an avoider. I would just rather talk about a more pressing issue. Like... how about those super volcanoes? One of those mothers goes off, none of this means nothin'!

  Luke : Look, Prudence is right. You've been avoiding this for a long time. I tried to tell you, you sister tried to tell you, every therapist you fired tried to tell you. It's time to let go of Erica's stuff. She broke up with you on your birthday, then hooked up with your Pilates instructor.

  Lizzy : In Erica's defense, she did say she forgot it was my birthday.

  Luke : Lizzy, enough already. Get over her.

  Lizzy : Oh, my god. Thank you. "Get over her." That is the best advice I've heard since my dad told me "Just be straight."

• Lizzy : I know I was a tiny bit resistant to deal with the closet.

  Luke : I had to chase you through a quinceanera at the park and you bit me.

• Prudence : Did I tell you about the time I was a hospital puppeteer in Prague?

  Lizzy : He doesn't even know your middle name.

  Luke : I do, It's... Merlizabeth?

  Prudence : You remembered!

• Prudence : [looking at Lizzy's neck]  Is that a bug bite on your neck?

  Luke : No. It's a hickey!