- Todd Chavez: You have to watch cheesy old holiday specials on Christmas; it's tradition.
- BoJack Horseman: Why? They're never any good.
- Todd Chavez: Things don't become traditions because they're good, BoJack. They become good because they're traditions.
- Todd Chavez: BoJack, it's Christmas!
- BoJack Horseman: Well, don't get too excited. I didn't get you shit.
- Todd Chavez: Ha! Shows what you know! When you were passed out, I used your credit card to buy me this new hat. Merry Christmas, to me.
- [Todd takes off Santa hat, to reveal new hat, which looks exactly the same has his old one]
- BoJack Horseman: It looks exactly like your old hat.
- Todd Chavez: Yeah, it's my favorite kind of hat. Thanks buddy.
- BoJack Horseman: Okay, great. Christmas transaction complete. Please leave now.
- Todd Chavez: Or we could watch, Sabrina's Christmas Wish.
- BoJack Horseman: Hard pass.
- Todd Chavez: What? Come on! You love Horsin' Around.
- BoJack Horseman: Yeah, but I always skip the Christmas ones.
- Todd Chavez: Because the themes about family and togetherness are a chilling reminder of your isolation?
- BoJack Horseman: No, but thank you for that. Todd, special holiday episodes are always stupid, cynical cash grabs by greedy corporations looking to squeeze some extra Nielson points, from sentimental clap-trap for mush brain idiots who'd rather spend their Christmas watching a fake family TV then actually trying to have a conversation with their own dumb families.
- Todd Chavez: I like when people on TV hug each other.
- BoJack Horseman: Still don't believe I let you talk me into this.
- Todd Chavez: And I still don't believe Goober ended up molesting those Laker girls.
- BoJack Horseman: Goober did not molest those Laker girls. The actor who played Goober molested those Laker girls.
- Todd Chavez: Hey, this is nice, right?