- While Lillian and Beatrice prepare for the Newport's Most Beautiful Pageant, Hortense assembles her team of N.A.G.S. to sabotage the event. Downstairs, Peepers instructs Chair in the art of servitude.
- After Peepers catches Chair in a service faux pas, he, realizing that he has not trained her well enough, puts her through a rigorous soul-busting training regimen. Meanwhile, this year's edition of Newport's Most Beautiful Pageant, which will again be held at Bellacourt Manor, will not only be open to vegetables as it has in past years, but rather solely cabbages in the vegetal category, babies, and - gasp - human women, with the winner's picture to be featured on the side of a biscuit tin. Aghast at such a prospect of human contestants, the Newport Association of Gal Spinsters (N.A.G.S.), of which Hortense is a member, vows to ruin the pageant from the inside choosing one of their own as a contestant. However, both Lillian and Beatrice are determined to win. With Albert, having grown the winning vegetable the past five pageants, still in a coma albeit now without the tomahawk in his chest, and thus unable to participate, Victor decides to coach the biggest vegetable he knows for the pageant. The pageant may be won or lost based on some sabotage which may have been the inspiration for Tonya Harding several generations down the road.—Huggo
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