Golan the Insatiable (TV Series)

On Golan Pond (2015)

Aubrey Plaza: Dylan Beekler

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  [a young deer prances up to its parent eating grass. Lovingly, they nuzzle noses, then both start to eat grass. But the parent immediately looks up and glances toward the road as a car passes rapidly. With a sudden crunch, the older deer's head is gone, and seconds later its body collapses, dead. In the car, Golan is swallowing the head whole] 

  Dylan Beekler : [pinned against the rear passenger door by Golan's immense, car-filling form]  Awesome! We're not even at the lake yet and our weekend of murder has already begun.

  [Golan releases a tremendous belch into Alexis's face, blowing the skin back from her eyes and cheek] 

  Alexis Beekler : [as Carole laughs]  Oh, it's gonna be torture! What's the stupid point of going to Keith's family cabin without Keith? I never have any fun!

  Carole Beekler : Cheer up, honey. I never have any fun either, and I'm happy.

  [Carole's left eye twitches involuntarily as she screams internally for 3 seconds] 

  Carole Beekler : [normal]  We're here!

• Dylan Beekler : Whoa, what is wrong with you today?

  Golan : I don't know!

  [Golan's right horn, and part of his skull, falls to the ground] 

  Golan : Uh-oh. Has it already been 500 years? No wonder I've been so hormonal! I've entered my...

  Golan : [gazes wistfully at the Sun]  rejuvenation cycle.

  Dylan Beekler : What is a rejew-inflanation-bicycle?

  Golan : I'm molting, stupid. You know, when you shed your exoskeleton and- aah!

  [Golan suddenly twists and his flesh falls as if his skeleton has ceased to exist save for his teeth, claws, and remaining horn. His eyes pop out of his face as it all falls at Dylan's feet]